


Kokoro

by amandroid



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Arin being an awkward and shy weab, College AU, Dry Humping, Fluff, Implied Drug Use, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Some angst, Stoner Dan, body issues, bonding through anime, bonding through classic rock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-22 20:37:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8300134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandroid/pseuds/amandroid
Summary: What happens when the only person who comes to the anime club meeting is the blue-haired stoner in your building?





	1. Ohayo

Once Arin found out, he almost couldn't believe it. There wasn't an anime club at all? 

 

He had been extremely bored the day he found himself wandering through the club fair, not really expecting to find anything. Mostly it had been his Australian roommate Ross’ idea that he needed to make an effort to ‘put himself out there’ and make some friends besides him. After making his way through the decorated card tables and shrugging off attempts to join any kind of sports clubs, the lack of an anime club struck him as an egregious oversight despite there being a Movie Club and a Comics Club.

 

Despite that, he really didn’t want to helm an entire anime club by himself. He hoped if he found people interested enough to join, he’d gladly step down as president and let whoever wanted the position to lead instead. He didn’t consider himself extroverted enough to lead and the idea of being the president was too much pressure, considering he was only a freshman. 

 

But surprising himself, he reserved one of rooms in his building, made his own posters and copied them at the library, spent his own money to buy snacks. The more the plans started to fall in place, the more excited he got but he tried to reel in his own enthusiasm. He wished he didn’t have to go through all the trouble to start an anime club when he’d much rather join an existing club but he might as well make the most of it, make it fun to join for other people.

 

Now it was the day of and he was doing frantic last minute preparations; pouring out chips and setting out snacks and soda including some boxes of Pocky and edible seaweed he got from the international section of the grocery store along with paper plates and plastic cups, all in an effort to be a good host.

 

He didn’t have any definite plans of what this first meeting would entail and decided to bring a good variety of his anime DVDs, including a freebie he’d gotten at a convention that looked like a predictable goofy harem anime that he might pop into the DVD player for group watch riff session. He even brought his DDR mat just in case anybody wanted to play.

 

As the clock rolled around to when the meeting would start, Arin paced around the room, glancing through the window of the door for any sign of anybody coming. He had in mind to greet the potential club members with some Japanese greetings he’d painstakingly practiced with his Japanese language flash cards. He even toyed briefly with wearing the kimono (technically it was a yukata) his cousin got him but decided against it. He still hadn’t gotten the hang of walking around in it plus there was the much greater risk of whoever coming not realizing him wearing a pink kimono was a dorky joke to break the ice and call him a “weaboo faggot”. Instead he went with a black hoodie and a “Baka Gaijin” T-shirt underneath and some passably nice jeans. It more or less the same overall message: still willing to own up to being a weab but not at the expensive of being made fun of. 

 

Fifteen minutes passed and he unrolled the DDR mat and set it up, just to have something to do. Ten more minutes passed before he played a game by himself, then another, occasionally stealing glances at the door for any sign of anybody as he shed his hoodie and put it on the back of a nearby chair.

 

When he’d exhausted himself, he poured himself a cup overflowing with Orange Crush and gulped it down as he slumped in one of the chairs.

 

Well, this was a mistake, he thought. He had hoped at least one person would come, at least out of curiosity. He even appealed to Ross to drop by. At least if it was going to be full of bigger geeks than him, they could stand in solidarity and laugh about it later, but even he was a no-show. All this effort for nothing. 

 

He was still looking in direction of the door, at this point not expecting to see anything, when he caught a flash of something blue pass by the window before the door creaked open.

 

Arin’s blood ran cold.

 

His dorm building was a mix of upper and underclassmen and he tried hard to avoid the older jocks and stoners, if for no other reason than he didn’t want to be singled out and made fun of. This one he had seen before. One day on his way to his morning classes, he passed by the student lounge and saw an impossibly skinny guy with long, blue dyed curly hair sprawled out face-first on the couch, his coltish legs hanging off the edges at odd angles. Off and on, he’d catch glimpses of the same guy passing through the building, usually with a bunch of other bleary-eyed stoners but sometimes by himself. That hair was impossible to not notice, even from a distance.

 

And now he was standing right in front of him.

 

He clambered off the chair, putting the plastic cup aside as the guy stepped inside, brushing his dyed hair away from his face and looking at him with sleepy, hazel eyes. Except for the jeans, he looked like he had just rolled out of bed, wearing a band T-shirt Arin didn’t recognize under a loose long-sleeved flannel shirt, all wrinkled. Even the jeans looked rumpled in a way that seemed like they had hadn’t seen the inside of a washing machine in a while.

 

Arin gulped and remembered he was supposed to greet people coming in for the Anime Club but the words wouldn’t come out properly. It seemed a stupid idea now but his brain still tried to muscle his mouth into getting the words out.  “O-ohayo…,” he said finally weakly, his voice coming out in an embarrassing high-pitched wheeze.

 

The guy blinked. Once. Twice….and then smiled easily. “Oh. Ohio to you too. Um…” he turned and pointed over his shoulder to the door.  “Am I late?”

 

“L-late for what?”

 

“Late for the anime club. There was a sign on the door so...” The guy chuckled, giving Arin a playfully pointed look.

 

“Oh! Um...no. You’re not too late. Um…” Arin ran a trembling hand through his hair and pointed in the direction of the table. “H-help...Help yourself…”

 

The guy nodded and smiled again, his cheeks dimpling. “Sweet.”

 

Arin stepped aside and let the guy serve himself. He paused briefly at one of the boxes of Pocky Arin had set out, turning it over with a long-fingered hand.

 

“Oh, th-that’s Pocky! It’s...kind of like a thin cookie thing dipped in chocolate. Can I-?” He gestured for him to hand over the box and opened the box with clumsy hands, opening the foil inner wrapping and pulling out one of the Pocky. “Want to try it?”

 

The guy dimpled his cheeks again. “Sure.” He took the Pocky and took a tiny bite off the end and then smiled again as he broke off another piece with his teeth. “Mmmm. It’s good. Reminds of those uh...what are they called? They’re like Pepperidge Farm cookies that are rolled, y’know?…”

 

“Er...Pirouettes?”

 

“Mmm. Yeah. Pirouettes. Those are the shit.” He slid the rest of the Pocky into his mouth and then tilted his head to the side, peering at Arin curiously as he crunched the chocolate dipped biscuit in his mouth. “I think I’ve seen you around before. You a freshman?”

 

Arin gave a nod, putting the box aside and rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. I transferred here from Florida.”

 

He gave a nod and swallowed. “Ah. Yeah, I usually see you walking around with that weird blonde kid. Sorry I never say ‘Hi’ or anything but you always seem busy or on your way to class, I guess.”

 

“Oh. Well...I...I’m kind of…” Arin frowned. It seemed rude to say he actually went out of his way to avoid him because he was intimidated of him, because the guy was part of the heavy stoner crowd and a stupid part of him thought he’d be singled out and put in a D.A.R.E peer pressure situation. It was incredibly naive and paranoid to think about but it was maybe the only reason he avoided the guy as much as he could and stuck by Ross all the time. “I kind of keep to myself, to be honest...”

 

The corner of the guy’s mouth lifted in a half-smile. “Pffft...dude, I’m like the least scary person ever.” He rolled his eyes. “I know upperclassman shit on freshmen like its their hobby but everybody was a freshman once, y’know? Plus I’m here half the time if you ever get lost or need to like...borrow something. My dad always goes overboard with the fucking school supplies.”

 

Arin scoffed and rubbed at his forearms. “Pfft, naw...I haven’t gotten lost. Most of my classes are in about the same area so-”

 

“That’s cool. Or if y’know, you just want to know where the awesome super-secret spots are…” his smile widened and he seemed to lower his eyelids and bobbed his eyebrows, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “...I’m your man.”

 

A sudden blush flared across Arin’s cheeks. Was this guy _flirting_ with him?!

 

“Ahm!...ah...o-okay, I’ll...heh...bear that in mind, I guess…,”  Arin muttered, trying to swallow the panicked hitch in his voice.

 

The guy leaned back and smiled to mean no offense was taken, holding his hands up in surrender. “I mean, no pressure. Not gonna lie, most of them are places to smoke. Do you-?”

 

“N-no!” Arin covered the offended, frightened tone in his voice with a half-hearted cough. “I mean, no...not really. I…” Arin trailed off and chuckled nervously. “I don’t want to get in trouble.”

 

“Hey, ‘s all good. I know I shouldn’t but…” he rolled his eyes. “This is my last semester here anyway so I mean...pfft, fuck it, right?” The guy took a chocolate chip cookie and popped it into his mouth, looking around the room. “Um...am I the only one who showed up?”

 

Arin rubbed his forearm, shifting from foot to foot. He hoped it wasn’t so obvious that that was the case. “Yeah...I don’t know why. I put up flyers and everything…” he trailed off, his tone low with defeat.

 

“Ohh. Shit….I just remembered. I guess you don’t know. There’s like...a game going on today. I guess everybody’s at that.”

 

“Really?” Arin raised at an skeptical eyebrow. “So...why aren’t you?”

 

“Um...I overslept, plus our home team sucks ass.” He snickered and waved his hands, like this was a secret just between the two of them. “Don’t tell anybody…”

 

Arin laughed, his posture relaxing. “Okay...I’m not really into sports so…”

 

“Eh, like watching it, was never really good at playing it.”

 

The guy ate another cookie and Arin scratched at his arm with the edge of his short nails, looking around, the room silent except for the steady loud munching as the guy continued to pop Chips Ahoy into his mouth. So that was it. Nobody had showed up because they were at a football game, not because nobody wanted to come. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed, the fact that the only person who showed up was the weird stoner guy in his building.

 

The guy swallowed and clapped his hands so loudly, Arin almost jumped out of his skin.

 

“So...what’s on the docket?”

 

Arin looked up. “Huh?”

 

“I mean...what did you have planned?” He glanced at the TV set up. “Watching a movie?”

 

“Uh…” Arin shook his head. “I don’t know. This…” he sighed. “This was a stupid idea. I shouldn’t have...bothered with all this…”

 

“Well…I’m here. That’s one person. I’m sure we can still do it if there’s just one person. Plus...who’s going to eat all this food? Give you a hint…” He bobbed his shoulders and gave a goofy grin. “It’s meeeee…”

 

Arin wrinkled his nose, trying not to laugh. So maybe one thing was true, the stereotype of stoners that they loved to eat. “Heh. I mean...I wasn’t going to throw all this food out so...I guess you can just...come in and say you came for the food and maybe I put on a DVD or two to watch.”

 

The guy scoffed. “Actually, I did want to come, seeing the posters around because I mean...I do like anime, just...not a lot of ‘em? It seems like there’s way too many to keep track of.”

 

Arin’s interest piqued. He thought himself pretty good at recommending shows or books, only because he’d seen so much and read so much and thought himself good at sorting through the all the dross. “Yeah? What ones do you like?”

 

“Cowboy Bebop. That one’s my favorite. And um...the movie Ghost in the Shell, never really watched much of the show.”

 

Arin thought. None of the DVDs he brought with him where that kind of sci-fi action type of anime. Maybe “Gurren Lagann”? “Well...I have one that’s kind of...dumb. Like I thought about putting it on to maybe watch to make fun of like-”

 

“Oh, like Mystery Science Theater 3000?”

 

“Yeah! Exactly! Just like that!” For some reason, he was especially glad he knew what Mystery Science Theater 3000 was. Ross had said he was going to check it out but Arin doubted he actually had.

 

“Sweet! Can I see it?”

 

Arin turned and retrieved the DVD box to let the guy examine at it.

 

The guy laughed and whistled. “That’s...a lot of tits.” He looked up and gave Arin a quizzical look. “This isn’t... _porn_ , is it?”

 

Arin scoffed and shook his head. “No, it’s ecchi.”

 

“ ‘Etch-ee’?”

 

Shit. Arin had to remember not everybody knew the kinds of stupid technical terms he knew. He gave a shrug. “It...it just means like soft-core comedy. Like...a bunch of girls glom onto unsuspecting normal guy and their skirts fly up and you can see panties and there’s a lot of...y’know, bouncing titties.”

 

The guy’s expression turned thoughtful before he smirked. “How...bouncy are these titties, you say?”

 

Arin scoffed again, his expression edging towards a smile. “I don’t know. I honestly never watched it. I just know it’s going to be _that_ kind of show from the cover, y’know?”

 

“Ah. I getcha.” With a flick of his wrist, he handed the DVD case back to Arin. “Push the button, Frank.”

 

Arin laughed, somewhat giddily as he palmed the plastic case. “Heh...I-It’s Arin, actually…”

 

The guy chuckled. “I’m Dan but…” he gave a shrug and met his eye with a sudden but brief imploring, sweet gaze like a timid fawn. “My friends call me Danny.”

 

Out of nowhere, Arin felt a woozy feeling spread inside his chest, rolling the name ‘Danny’ around in his mind like savoring a sweet candy. _Danny…_

 

He mentally scoffed at himself. What was wrong with him?

 

Danny seemed to use the opportunity while Arin switched out the cords for the PS2 for the DVD player to refresh his snacks, Arin sneaking covert peeks at Danny over his shoulder, as if to reassess the strange light feeling in his stomach, which was somewhat hard to do as Danny shoveled cookies into his mouth one after the other. Still, a part of him couldn't help noting that Danny was handsome. He tried to mentally backtrack from that thought with "Well, except for the hair", but even that gave him a certain mystique, which may have been maybe the only reason he tried to stay as far away from Danny as possible even when he was on his own. Something about it just screamed 'bad boy', that wild mane of electric blue curls cascading down to his shoulders, those deep-set hazel-brown eyes, that strong jawline with just a hint of stubble framing lips that were admittedly, covered in crumbs but still looked soft and kissable.

 

Arin scowled at himself as his heartbeat quickened. Luckily, he finished setting up the DVD player and was popping open the plastic DVD case as Danny loped in beside him, looking over his progress as he placed a Ruffled Lays chip on his tongue and ate it with a deafening crunch.

 

"Need a hand?"

 

Arin shook his head. "Naw, it's good to go. Heh..." He rose to his feet and rolled his eyes with feigned nonchalance. "Sorry that um...took so long."

 

"It's cool. Good thing you have the free food. I'm starting to run low on stuff like Spaghetti-O's and shit." Danny smacked his lips and rolled his eyes. "Gonna have to ask my Dad to front me some money sometime this week but..." he gave a shrug. "That's whatever."

 

Arin gave a slight nod. "Yeah, well...I have a meal card. Plus I work part-time at the cafeteria so I kinda get free food. That's-"

 

"Oh, for real?! Which part?"

 

"The pizza place, down by the uh-?"

 

"Awesome! Do you think you could...hook me up sometime?"

 

Arin’s eyes darted at the suddenness of the offer. "Oh,well...I don't know if I'm allowed to but..."

 

 _I don't want to get in trouble_ , he didn't want to add, sure he would sound a like a goody two-shoes stick in the mud. He was sure some of his co-workers skimmed some pizza slices when nobody was looking or placed orders for themselves for when they went on break but he didn't want to overstep his bounds having just started working there.

 

Danny smiled. "Heh, sorry to be so...I mean, tell me when you work so I come say 'Hi'." His easy-going smile turned to a conspiratorial smirk as he leaned in closer. "THEN you can hook me up..."

 

Arin barked suddenly with nervous laughter, sure now that he was blushing and couldn't stop himself as his heart did insane flip-flops. He wanted to say it was completely because Danny was standing so close to him but also the way his tone dropped struck him as oddly sexual, making his palms turn sweaty. "Um!...Tuesdays and Thursdays usually but...I don’t know about the...I don’t know if I can-”

 

“Whoa, dude, chill! I was kidding about the ‘hook me up’ thing, really!”

 

Danny clapped Arin’s shoulder suddenly in a calming friendly gesture as Arin tried to stop the heat spreading out of control across his face.

 

“O-okay...it’s... sorry I’m so-”

 

“ ‘s okay, really. I didn’t mean to make you feel weird about it. You don’t owe me a goddamn thing, dude.”

 

Arin exhaled, laughing shakily and trying to calm his heart from racing. “Just...forget it, it’s just...me being weird.”

 

Danny was still standing so close, Arin could see his eyes crinkle around the edges as he smiled. " ‘S all good. Lemme just get my-" Danny paused as he hop-skipped to get his plate of snacks and a plastic cup of soda as Arin pushed a pair of chairs in front of the TV.

 

As they sat down to actually watch the show, the nervousness Arin felt before seemed to evaporate. Danny seemed to have a lot of genuine surprise at the tired harem anime tropes, like the glomping and the "accidental" voyeurism moments and once or twice, he asked Arin about certain Japan specific things, not in a way to make fun of it but actually curious and explaining them made Arin feel like an expert instead of a gigantic nerd, which is how he felt a lot of the time. When he did crack jokes (usually making fun of the horrendous English dub), Danny would burst out with high-pitched splashy laughter that turned into helpless squeaks as he tried to catch his breath and the jokes Danny made had him snorting into his Orange Crush and his stomach aching from laughter and it turned into a friendly competition, trying to make the other laugh and in turn, laughing at each other's laughter. 

 

It was nice.

 

Before they even realized it, because it only had three episodes on it, the show was over and Arin couldn't help but feel disappointed that the moment was over. 

 

Danny set his empty plate on the floor, having gotten up and refilled it several times during the episodes as he wiped the tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes. "Holy shit, that was fun..."

 

Arin gave a small nod in agreement. "Do you want to call this..." he laughed in a self-deprecating way. "meeting done? I have no idea what time it is."

 

"Sure." Danny got up and fluffed his hair. "Do you want me help you pack everything up?"

 

"Yeah."

 

With two people, the work went much faster as they put away the trash and Arin quickly shuttled his DVD's, PS2 and the DDR mat back to his room not too far away while Danny handled the rest of the food, which there wasn't much left of. The only thing that had been untouched was the two-liter bottle of diet Coke. As Arin poured out the rest of the chips back into the bags and twisted the tops shut, Danny sidled up to him with an expectant, shy look in his eyes.

 

"Um...do you think it's fine if I have some of this? Just maybe the chips and-?"

 

"Sure," Arin replied. "I mean, I was expecting them to be gone with more people here but yeah, you can have the rest."

 

Danny beamed, as if Arin would say no. "Awesome. We can take 'em to my room."

 

As he slipped his hoodie back on, Arin gathered up the plastic bags. "Okay. Lead the way."

 

Before they left the room, Arin quickly retrieved the room key left to him as he followed Danny through the empty hallways, unable to help the prickle of foreboding at walking through such a familiar place with nobody here. Luckily, Danny's room was on the first floor and Arin's load wasn't that heavy.

 

He hung back as Danny fished in his pocket for his key and unlocked it, leading him inside.

 

Immediately, Arin's nose tickled as he smelled the lingering scent of something sweet and herbal he couldn't identify as he glanced around the room. One half of the room was definitely decorated more conservatively while the other half was more cluttered and lived in: fabric tapestries and black light posters of unicorns, dragons and wizards hung on the walls and he could see a lava lamp set up by the bed as well as a string of fairy lights hung up over the headboard.

 

He moved carefully through a shifting morass of discarded clothes on the floor until he was fully to Danny’s side of the room, letting him grab the bags of chips, snacks and the bottle of Diet Coke and stow them in a nearby cabinet. As Danny closed the cabinet, Arin’s gaze fell on something sitting on top and he couldn’t help peering curiously at it, wondering if it was a broken lamp or some strange bookend before he heard Danny flop onto his bed with a loud grunt, looking up at him stretching out on his cushy galaxy print bedspread.

 

"...um, do you know what that is?" He said with a chuckle as he kicked off his shoes and took his flannel shirt, throwing it on the floor along with the rest of his messy clothes.

 

Arin's eyes shifted. Was this a trick question?  "A...lamp?"

 

Danny's nose wrinkled, probably catching himself from laughing out loud at Arin’s naivete.  "Not...quite. I smoke out of that."

 

Arin's heart dropped suddenly. "Oh! Do...I mean, you keep it out on the open like this?!"

 

Danny sighed wearily, as if he knew having drug paraphernalia out in open in his room could get him into trouble but was more annoyed that Arin brought it up.  "It's not usually. I just forgot to put it away from earlier. My roommate's cool about it, though. I usually light incense to cover up the smell or blow the smoke out by the vents..." He rolled his eyes. "Or I smoke outside."

 

"...oh." Arin straightened, saved from having to come up with something to say by Danny pulling his long legs up against his chest, wrapping his arms around his shins and momentarily distracting Arin with the sight of his bare arms, the lean muscles of his forearms bulging out.

 

"Thanks for the food, by the way. This ought to tide me over for a while." He gave a shrug. "Sometimes I forget to eat."

 

Arin gave a half nod, stopping himself from saying that he knew the feeling because he honestly didn't and he couldn't help fixating on the odd, matter-of-fact way Danny said that. Arin definitely had moments when his ADHD acted up and he would spent way too long animating or drawing but never to the point where he forgot to eat. If anything, he overate when he was like that. Still, he wasn't sure if it was his place to say something or not.

 

Arin swallowed. "It's okay. Heh, I least I know it's going to a good home, y'know?"

 

Danny hummed in acknowledgment and turned over, making Arin's blood pressure spike as he spied a glimpse of skin from Danny's shirt riding up his back as he leaned over the side of his bed, pulling the mattress up from the bed frame and emerging with a rolled up plastic baggie.  

 

As Danny unrolled it, the blood in Arin's face drained away, standing stock-still as he pulled out a small rolled cigarette, not paying Arin any immediate mind as his tongue darted and glided along the side of the rolled paper, making Arin flush at the suggestiveness of it before Danny placed the joint between his lips and looked up at Arin with inquisitive, puppy dog eyes.

 

"What's up? Do you want a hit?" 

 

Arin swallowed with difficulty, unable to bring himself to move from where he was. His mind screamed at him that it was time to go, he should refuse the offer...but his mind was hyperfocused, not just on the joint hanging from Danny's lips but Danny himself, the way he was sprawled out on his enormous bed and the tapestries and posters and the heavy curtains on the window made him feel trapped inside a heady, decadent pleasure palace.

 

"I...I don't...I don't know if I should..." he muttered, blinking rapidly and unconsciously licking his dry lips. "I've never...I mean..."

 

Danny blinked and pulled the joint from his lips, holding it between his fingertips. "Chill out, dude. It's okay. I'm not going to force you or anything. It's not for everyone, for sure."

 

He wasn't even sure where the impulse came from but now, he really wanted to throw caution to the wind and try it but deep down, he was too scared, blurting out without meaning to what he was most scared of. "I'm just...I'm afraid of losing control..."

 

Danny’s eyes flickered and Arin was about to backtrack from such a candid statement before Danny gave a nod. “I getcha.” He bit his lip and put the joint back in the crumpled plastic baggie. “I’m sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to make you feel weird. I forget not everybody does it.” He made a move to get off the bed but Arin hastily backed away.

 

“I should go! Not...I mean, it’s getting late and I have homework I need to do.” It was a flimsy excuse at best. He had a paper but it wasn’t due for another week and he had it half-done already. He just didn’t want to stay here and end up doing something impulsive, something he might regret.

 

Danny looked him over and for a moment, Arin feared he didn’t buy that excuse at all. Any rational person wouldn’t. The timing of it was just too suspicious. But Danny just shrugged. “Alright.” Crawling over to the far end of his bed, he reached over and fished around in a half-open backpack sitting on the floor.

 

“No, really! I can’t-”

 

Danny looked up him with mild confusion as his blue curly hair fell over his forehead. “Oh no, it’s…” He pulled out a cardboard package of mechanical pencils and held it out to Arin. “My Dad bought way too many of these and I thought you’d need ‘em...for homework and stuff.”

 

Arin took the package and turned it over. It was already opened and looked like the blue pencils had already been taken out.

 

“...oh. T-thanks.”

 

Danny’s cheeks dimpled in a friendly smile. “It’s the least I can do, for the food and stuff. Are there going to be more meetings?”  

 

Oh. Arin hadn’t even thought about that. In a weird way, having almost nobody show up saved him the pressure of having to interact and be entertaining with more than one person. He was tempted to just call the whole thing a wash instead of having to go through the motions again and have a repeat panic attack, this time on a day and at a time when people would actually be coming.

 

“Um...well...I’m not sure yet.” He scratched the side of his face. “Actually...I mean, Maburaho was kind of dumb but maybe...if you’re fine with it, I could let you borrow some stuff you might actually like.”

 

“Oh, that’d be awesome! I’ll come over on Tuesday, maybe?”

 

Arin blinked. “...what’s on Tuesday?”

 

“That’s when you said you work, right?”

 

“Oh.” Arin sputtered. “Psh, yeah, that’s...sure, you can come by, as long we’re not too busy.”

 

“Cool.” Dan settled back on the bed. “Listen...are you going to be okay, dude?”

 

“Y-yeah. Why?”

 

Danny’s lips tightened in a slight frown. “Nothing, just...your face is really red.”

 

Arin almost choked. He must of looked like a hot mess, blushing and stammering like an idiot.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just-” he needlessly pointed behind himself to the door and blindly made his way backward, occasionally stumbling over the humped over masses of clothes, clutching the cardboard package of pencils so tightly, he could feel the sharp sides dig into his palm. “I’m going to go. S-see ya, later, I guess,” he mumbled, continuing to gesture towards the half-opened door, as if there was any question where he was going.

 

“ ‘Bye, Arin…” Danny gave him a slight wave and with that, Arin closed the door and went to his own dorm at a frantic half-trot, running hot and cold with embarrassment. When he finally got to his dorm, he tossed the pack of mechanical pencils on his desk and collapsed against the closed door, groaning and rubbing his face with frustration.

 

How could he be such an idiot? Why did he have to act like such a flustered mess, his overactive imagination running away from him and seeing that whole moment in Danny's dorm as some kind of trap or situation rife with seedy outcomes, all outcomes that sent more heat flooding the already overloaded capillaries in his face. 

 

With a weary groan, he flopped onto his bed and covered his face with a pillow, screaming hoarsely into it as he clamped it tightly over his face before he let it fall aside.

 

Danny had been nothing but nice to him but his mind seemed to fill in the gaps with anti-drug horror stories of cool kids luring unsuspecting the straight-edge kids to the dark side with just one hit but he couldn't deny for a brief moment, he had been tempted. Curiosity was one reason but it hadn't been the only reason, to be sure. A big reason had been Danny himself. His memory flashed with the brief glimpse of the Danny’s tongue as he licked the joint shut and the thought of that alone had him shuddering all over, imagining that tongue going more tantalizing places...

 

If he hadn't been so chicken-shit, he would have taken the offer, but not to get stoned. In his mind, he was climbing onto the bed, Danny's hands reaching out to grab him and pull him close, moving underneath his hoodie to touch his bare skin. His fingers itched to feel his chest, move over to his shoulders and then push into the untamed tangles of that mane of blue hair. Danny would look at him with those warm hazel eyes and their lips would meet, tasting the hot sweetness of chocolate chip cookies on that wicked tongue.

 

 _I’ve got it bad. I’ve got it so bad_ , Arin fretted as his hand migrated down his body, rucking up the bottom hem of his hoodie and briefly touching the oversensitive skin of his stomach before unbuttoning his jeans and sliding the zipper down enough to slide a shaking hand into his boxers, squeezing his eyes shut and whining under his breath as he began to stroke himself as he pressed himself closer to the Danny in his mind, imagining being wrapped in his arms and being kissed slow and deep.

 

“Fuck...Danny…” he murmured as he stroked himself more deliberately, panting as he felt a drop of precum drip onto his lower stomach.

 

Why didn’t he stay? Why he did he have to make such a complete tool of himself in front of Danny? He could be actually doing this with him in Danny’s dorm instead of driving himself crazy imagining it and showing what an absolute goody goody straight-edge child he actually was. If he hadn’t acted like that joint was some poisonous spider, he might could be being touched by somebody other than himself for once.

 

Am I really that desperate? He thought. He hadn’t even given the least thought about Danny when he saw him passed out on the student lounge sofa or staring at the microwave making Cup o Noodles but only because he was terrified of him. That turned out to be a massively un-grounded fear. Once he got to know him a little, Danny was sweet and funny and kind of a slob but also really fucking hot up close.

 

It hadn’t been the only reason (that would have been a major waste of money if it was) but in the back of his mind, he wanted to go the opportunity to go to college out of state where nobody knew him and he could make a fresh start, actually see once and for all he was actually bi or just confused. Was he really going to make his first gay experience with the grungy stoner in his building? Yes, yes he was and at the moment, he didn’t care...until he could hear the doorknob to his dorm room jiggling. Shooting up and taking his hand quickly out of his pants, he scrabbled to find something and immediately grabbed his Art History textbook and pulled it onto his lap, wincing at the heavy weight now pressed onto his pulsing erection as the door opened and Ross stumbled in. .

 

“ ‘ey,” he said with a sniff.

 

“Hey…” Arin muttered. “How was the game?”

 

“Alright, I guess. I didn’t sit through the whole thing. What did you do all day?”

 

Arin frowned. Ross knew, right? “I had my anime club meeting today.”

 

Ross tilted his head back. “Oh, fuuuuck! I forgot! I’m sorry, I should have come by.”

 

Arin shrugged, trying to adjust the book on his lap so it wasn’t crushing him. Maybe if he was lucky, Ross would just drop by and maybe go to the library so he could finish. “ 's fine. First ten or fifteen minutes nobody came so I just called it a day.”

 

“Oh well, still...maybe you can have it, just another day.”

 

Arin shrugged again. “I don’t know. It was a lot of trouble to go through so...”

 

Ross’s blue eyes seemed to glaze over momentarily, signaling that Ross was either running out of things to say or interest, or both. It was that “Bored now” look and Arin bit back a sigh of relief as Ross shrugged. “Whatever. I’m going to go to the library for a while.”

 

Arin gave a distracted nod. He hoped he wasn’t coming across that he really wanted Ross to leave. If Ross sensed he had something to hide, he’d be all over him in two seconds flat. “ ‘Kay. I’m just going to catch up on my Art History homework.”

 

“Alright. See you later.” Ross gathered up his bag and his laptop and with a brief wave his way, he closed the door.

 

Once Ross had gone, Arin flopped his head back on the pillows and passed a hand over his face in relief before he pulled the heavy textbook off his lap and zipped his jeans further down, grasping his flagging erection and giving it a few trembling strokes as he snaked one hand under his T-shirt, jerking as he pinched his nipple, his cock stiffening further as he pumped it faster.

 

“Danny…” he breathed, his mind spooling out images of Danny pushing him onto his back, his teeth grazing his neck, pulling on his curly hair as he slid his large hand into Arin’s pants, holding him in thrall with those deep hazel-brown eyes.

 

Arin squeezed his eyes shut, slipping a finger into his mouth to muffle himself. _God, I’ve got it so bad..._


	2. Kireina Hitomi Dane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arin's crush intensifies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much of an update, I'll admit. It's just more cute, awkward fluff ~_~

Though Arin wasn't ready to admit to it, he spent most of his weekend not in classes incredibly aware of Danny's presence, both around campus and in his own building. It frustrated him that now he wasn’t avoiding the older student out fear, Danny was that much harder to find. He had to train his eyes to seek out that head of blue hair, his extremities getting tingly when he did spot him. Even when he did and didn't have anywhere to be, he kept his distance. He wasn't ready to make up for his ditzy behavior just yet. He wanted the next time he ran into Danny to not be so uptight and panicky. He wanted to be smooth, cool, confident. Most of all he just wanted to impress him but in his head he couldn’t think of any way to start an actual conversation. Instead, he stayed away, for the moment.

 

He was sure if anybody saw the way he was acting, they'd call it pathetic stalking and maybe it was, deep down. By now, he was too far gone in his crush to justify it. He was almost positive Ross could pick up on the change in his behavior. When they were in their shared dorm room, he'd be a lot quieter, staring into space or at one of the mechanical pencils Danny gave him, treating it a strange reverence that was undeserving of some cheap colored plastic and thin graphite lead. He kept it a secret from Ross or shied away from well-meaning but vague questions if he was feeling alright. They didn't know each other that well yet and Arin didn't want to ruin the tenuous friendship they fostered by admitting he might be bi, or at least bi-curious. The last thing he needed was Ross treating him like glass.

 

For now, he was momentarily satisfied just keeping track of the places Danny went, mentally noting he went to the memorial stone bridge to vape and check his phone or where he went to get coffee before going to his morning classes. He had to keep reminding himself that it was all in aid of finding some in to talk to him but he couldn't find the courage to do it, quickly ducking out of sight whenever Dan started to look in his direction and mentally kicking himself for missing his chance, however small.

 

Tuesday ended up creeping up on him but tried to keep a calm and collected head knowing that Danny would drop by, even preparing for the option that Danny might forget and not show up at all. Still, he tried to take his mind off Danny, if only for a moment and focus on topping pizzas while his co-workers Matt and Ryan goofed off around him.

 

As afternoon turned to evening, Arin grew tired of constantly popping his head up from his work just in case Danny might come. He took his break and ate in silence, hating himself for intentionally putting off actually going up to Danny like a normal person and instead following him around like a creepy loser. Now he had missed his chance and he almost wanted to cry in sheer frustration.

 

The rest of the evening spooled out uneventfully as he topped pizzas in a daze, desperate to do anything to take his mind of Danny. By the time his manager Brent told him his work was done, he was exhausted, ready to just take a scalding hot shower and collapse face first onto his bed.

 

He was getting out of the building, zipping up his hoodie from the evening chill and doing a cursory glance at the alerts on his phone when he heard-

 

“Hey, Arin!”

 

What the voice says Arin shouldn’t find all that surprising but once his brain identifies who it is, it’s enough for heat to burst in his cheeks, a blurted out swear escaping his mouth as his clumsy hands involuntarily let go of his phone, letting it drop onto the cobblestone walkway.

 

Danny lopes into view, taking his hands out of the front pocket of his baja hoodie banded with dark blue stripes, his friendly smile turning into a look of concerned surprise.

 

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

 

Arin exhaled, trying to catch his breath as he stopped to retrieve his phone. Luckily his phone case was shatterproof. “Uh, it’s fine, I just-”

 

Dan stooped down as well but Arin picked it up and rose on wobbling legs, dusting off his phone’s screen before pushing it back into his pocket.

 

“What uh...are you doing here?”

 

Danny shrugged. “I came by to say ‘Hi’. Well...I came in earlier but you weren’t around and I had nothing to do so...went to the library for a while and popped by hoping you’d be in.”

 

“Oh.” Arin said dumbly. “Okay. Sorry, I must have been on break,” he added in a flat voice.

 

 _You’re blowing it, Hanson,_ his brain scolded.

 

“Ah. That’s fine.” Danny put his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and inclined his head to the side. “Do you want to grab a coffee or something?”

 

“Oh, I, I...but I mean, I don’t really like...coffee…” he said, ending in a mutter and immediately he wanted to punch himself in the face for being such an idiot.

 

“I mean...they have stuff besides coffee. They have like...tea and stuff. Unless you just want to call it a night or-”

 

“NO! I mean, that’s...that’s fine. I’m…” Arin rubbed the back of his neck. “When I get off work, I’m not super hungry so-”

 

Danny smiled in understanding, walking in the direction of the campus coffee shop and spurring Arin to follow. “Dude, same. Over the summer, I worked at a coffee place and it’s something about seeing food all day, you just don’t want to even eat anything. It’s weird.”

 

Arin hummed, acknowledging that he understood but had nothing to add as they made their way through the glass double-doors, the quiet noise of murmuring voices blending into the background as he followed Danny to the counter. Danny ordered a Venti something and a poppyseed muffin and when it was Arin’s turn to order, he ordered a chai latte.

 

They sat in a private corner, Arin staring at his drink while Danny pulled the paper wrapper off his muffin, looking up and him and sighing.

 

“So...uh...I don’t want to put you on the spot or anything but…” Danny sighed again, his eyes shifting under his brows. “I kinda know you’ve been following me around and-”

 

Arin’s body gave a jerk, heat flooding his face and his immediate impulse was to start laughing in disbelief, albeit in a nervous, almost maniacal way. “What? No! I wasn’t...I wasn’t following you! That’s weird, why would I--? Why would I be following you?”

 

Danny just regarded with him with a serious twist to his mouth, like he was regretting bringing this up in the first place but pressed on. “Arin, just...calm down. I’m not mad, I just...I just know it’s been you.”

 

Arin’s eyes darted with guilt. “I-” He exhaled heavily. Danny didn’t believe him and he was doing a shitty job of hiding it. He might as well fess up. “How...how did you know it was me, anyway?”

 

Danny’s expression softened. “Well, it was a couple things. I’d see you out of the corner of my eye kind of...duck away and at first I thought ‘Whatever’ but what really tipped me off was I guess your shoes kinda...squeak when you walk.” He let out a short laugh. “So I’d just hear like this tiny squeaking behind me, like for days.”

 

“Oh.” Arin ducked his head. His stupid skateboard shoes gave him away. So much for being subtle. He worried at his bottom lip, glancing up at Danny, now more guilty at being caught than anything. “If...if you knew it was me, why...didn’t you say anything?”

 

Danny averted his gaze for a second and then held it on Arin’s face, looking just as confused as him. “I don’t know. I just thought you were shy and you’d come out of your shell eventually and...I don’t know. I didn’t want to put you on the spot in public and scare you away again.”  Danny took an experimental sip from his coffee and set it down. “I did feel bad for the other day. I really didn’t mean to freak you out or make you feel obligated to do something you don’t want to do. I do forget because all my friends are stoners that not everybody is into it or wants to do it, which is cool. Just…” He scoffed and put his head in his hand, his fingers idly curling around a lock of blue hair. “Dude, you don’t have to be scared of me. I told you. I’m not scary, like...at _all_.” He rolled his eyes. “Smoking weed aside, like...once you get to know me, that’s where all the cool points end. I am a MASSIVE nerd under it all, like D &D and Skyrim and Magic: the Gathering and just…” he giggled. “That kind of thing.”

 

Arin sighed, smiling with relief. His heart was still thumping like crazy but only being in such close proximity to Danny again. After getting used to picking him out of a crowd and seeing from a distance, his eyes couldn’t help, as discreetly as he could, taking in all Dan’s features up close like this. The curls of his hair appeared softer, more brushed out and his eyes were faintly glimmering with a green-golden color Arin is sure he’ll try to replicate with colored pencil later. “Okay.”

 

“Just...heh, no more stalking, okay? Honestly, it was starting to make me a little paranoid. We cool?” He extended his fist and Arin bumped it with his.

 

“Yeah, we’re cool.”

 

Danny beamed and Arin felt his heart just melt into goo.

 

“So I wanted to know actually...why did you say ‘ohio’ the other day?”

 

“Oh...um...that’s...I was trying to say ‘ohayo’...” Arin gave a self-conscious shrug. “It just means ‘hello’ or ‘good afternoon’ in Japanese.”

 

“ _Oh_. You speak Japanese?”

 

Arin nodded. “Kinda, yeah. I’m trying to teach myself it. I really want to travel there someday, y’know...in the future.”

 

“Awesome. Can you...say something in Japanese for me?”

 

Arin raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Really? L-like what?”

 

Danny snorted. “I don’t fucking know. Just...something to let me know you aren’t bullshittin’ me. Could be anything.”

 

“Well…” Arin looked askance for a moment, mentally searching for something when he had a tempting thought. It all depended on Danny not knowing any Japanese himself and he would have to be prepared to lie to cover his ass if Danny asked what it meant but fuck it. He knew a smattering of Japanese pick-up lines so why not?

 

He cleared his throat and innocently as he could manage said, “Kireina hitomi dane.”

 

“Heh, what does that mean?”

 

Arin pursed his lips and smiled enigmatically. “It means I think you’re cool.”

 

Danny snorted and sat back. “Well, as I said before, I’m _not_ cool but...thanks. Seriously, though, that’s awesome. Does anime...like help you learn or-?”

 

“Uh...kinda? It’s good for context like what you say when and just...repetition, watching a lot of different shows, you pick up on what’s appropriate to say, sorta? Mostly I use flashcards and language sites. I’m not even close to fluent.” He snorted with self-deprecation. “Was kiiiinda hoping the anime club, I could find people to practice with but whatever.”

 

“Oh, shit. That sucks.”

 

“Eh.” Arin scoffed. “It’s fine. It’s too much pressure, being in charge of a whole club. If it’s just a couple people, it’s fine but-”

 

“I getcha. I don’t really do well with huge groups of people, like a party or something I kinda just drift around and maybe find people I know and stick with them. That’s why I don’t do keggers and stuff. Much rather...smoke a bowl and play games.”

 

Arin was about to agree but he couldn’t help his naive mouth overriding his brain, focusing on one word in particular. “A bowl of what?”

 

Danny’s mouth twisted, trying to catch himself from laughing before he finally giggled. “Um...a bowl of...weed?”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Er, I mean...it just means like the bowl of a pipe? I mean...fuck it, it’s not important.”

 

Arin rubbed a hand over his face in embarrassment and huffed and Danny laughed again, more tickled than derisive, putting his hand over Arin’s other hand. “It’s okay, dude. Don’t worry about it.”

 

Maybe it was his own hopeful brain that wanted to believe Danny had his hand over his for a fraction too long to just be a friendly gesture but just the contact had him concealing a shiver of excitement as Danny finally pulled his hand away, Arin’s eyes falling on a light blue cord sticking out from Danny’s sleeve.

 

“What’s that?” Arin asked, gesturing to Danny’s wrist.

 

Danny nodded and pulled back his sleeve, revealing a knotted cord bracelet with small silver beads. “Oh, this is just something my counselor gave me to me.” His mouth gave a small fond twist. “It’s kinda...a long story.”

 

“Oh. I’d...like to hear it.”

 

Dan’s mouth twisted again, this time unsure. “I mean, the short version is...let’s just say I had a hard time really adjusting to being away from home and just being on my own. My counselor sorta helped me cope with the weird feelings and help me not be so…” He shrugs. “Stuck in my own mind, I guess.” His eyes strayed briefly and he took a big bite of his poppyseed muffin, gulping it down with his coffee. “Mmm! Actually, if you want, I could make you one. They aren’t super hard to make. They’re just like...hemp string and beads.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Danny’s smile brightened. “Sure! Just tell me what color you want. I have a friend who has a bunch of hemp cord so I’m sure they don’t mind me borrowing some.”

 

“Oh. Is…” Arin swallowed. “Is pink okay?”

 

Danny’s expression flickered for an instant and Arin was sure he saw the disbelieving thought of “Pink? Really?” drift across Dan’s face before he gave a nod of acknowledgement. “Sure, pink is fine.” Danny snickered, as if the thought just occurred to him. “They can be like our friendship bracelets.”

 

Arin was tempted for some reason to preemptively squash the moment with a snide, deflating comment. Something along the lines of “Isn’t making friendship bracelets kind of a girly thing to do?” but he was more ecstatic at just the thought of having Danny make him something, something that was theirs alone. Danny and Arin, together forever. Best friends.

 

...Friends.

 

“That’d…” Arin coughed, trying to make his voice sound more casual and not so breathless and lovestruck. “That’d be awesome.”

 

“Sweet.”

 

When Danny finished his muffin (after several ravenous bites and more swallows of coffee) they left the coffee shop and Arin lingered a few steps behind, interrupted by Danny saying, “Hey, is that offer of borrowing some DVD’s still open because…” he scoffs. “I’ll admit, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, just having new stuff to watch.”

 

“Oh! Yeah, sure…” Arin’s palms started to sweat as he lead the way back to their dorm building to his room, his heart dropping but then picking back up as he saw Ross’ sitting at his computer playing World of Warcraft and obviously preoccupied. Ross’ eyes glanced towards Arin and then Danny as they entered and Danny gave a small hand up of acknowledgment as Arin fidgeted his way inside, leading Danny to his stack of DVD’s and stooping down, conscious Danny was standing right behind him.

 

“So...maybe I should start with a few serieses and like...one movie?”

 

“Sure. Whatever you feel like.”

 

“ ‘Kay…” Arin squinted, turning over cases and setting others aside. “So…’Cowboy Bebop’ is your favorite, right?”

 

“Yup.”

 

Arin hummed in thought. “ ‘Trigun’ is good, it’s the same kind of comedy sci-fi stuff. ‘Outlaw Star’...ehhh, it’s okay.” He set both boxes onto his unmade bed, inviting Danny to look at them. “Are you into stuff that’s a bit older?”

 

“Yeah, definitely. As long as it’s good.”

 

“Okay...how about...this one? ‘Records of Lodoss War’?” Arin held the box up and jerked as Danny snatched it out of his hand.

 

“Whoa...that looks awesome! How come I’ve never heard of this?”

 

“Uh, because it’s kinda old and obscure, but it’s that kind of swords and sorcery fantasy. I think the story is it’s based on these Japanese animators’ D&D campaign and they just made it into an OVA.”

 

“An Oh vee what?”

 

“Uh...it’s complicated. It just means sort of independently made anime, like not aired on TV. Sometimes it’s sort of a mini-series, other times it’s like a movie.” Arin had a brain wave and pulled another DVD from a stack on the floor. “Speaking of OVAs, ‘Ninja Scroll’ is pretty good.” Remembering, Arin chuckled. “This actually does have titties in it.”

 

Danny giggled, game but sheepish. “Oh...okay! Guess I have to make sure my roommate doesn’t see that.” He gathered up the DVD’s in a stack in his arms and hummed. “I think I can handle one more?”

 

“Okay…” His hand lingered over one. ‘Neon Genesis Evangelion’. He was tempted but would that be too out-there for Danny? He himself didn’t even really get it until he re-watched it. Fuck it. “Are you into robots of the giant variety?”

 

“Oh, hell yeah!”

 

That’s all he needed to hear. _Oh, Danny may hate me for this_ , he thought. Evangelion might be one of those shows that might frustrate or confuse him. On the other hand, he might love it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

“Okay, ‘Neon Genesis Evangelion’” As he handed Danny the case, he added. “I should warn you, it gets kinda weird at the end buuuut I won’t spoil anything.”

 

Danny chuckled. “Okay, fine! It does look cool, though. I like the robot designs.”

 

Arin couldn’t help a faint sadistic glee grow within him in handing it off to Dan. _Oh, he has no idea what he’s in for._

 

“I think that’s enough for now,” he said, adjusting himself as he rose to his full height, pulling the bottom of his hoodie down over his stomach where it had ridden up.

 

“Thanks, Arin. I really appreciate it.” Danny slouched slightly to accommodate the stack of DVD’s in his hands. “I’ll see you Thursday and maybe we’ll hang out, if you’re up to it. We’ll...well, we’ll do something non-drug related,” he added with a playful wink.

 

Arin looked briefly behind Danny to Ross, who was busy with his MMO. _God, please don’t let him ask_ , he pleaded mentally. “Okay, sounds good.”

 

As he started to turn around and leave, Danny muttered under his breath. “Oh. How do you say ‘see you later’ in Japanese?”

 

“Oh uh...Jaa ne.”

 

Danny gave him a mellow, cat-like smile and then rolled his eyes in thought. “Cool. Uh...A plus tard.”

 

Arin blinked, taken aback.  “Huh?”

 

“Oh uh...it’s French for...the same thing. I’m not fluent but…” He shrugged, jostling the DVD cases. “Aaaaanybutt...see ya, mon ami.”

 

With that, Danny carefully made his way out of the room, trying to close the door with his free hand. It clicked closed and he could hear some clumsy plastic jumbling and Danny mutter ‘Fuck’ before his footfalls retreated down the hall.

 

Ross looked over his shoulder at Arin as he tried to hide the stupid, lovestruck grin spreading like wildfire across his face, his heart fit to burst right out of his chest.   _He knows French!_

 

“Who was that?” Ross muttered, raising an eyebrow.

 

Arin coughed, giving a casual shrug. “Uh...just some guy in our building. Wanted to borrow some DVD’s.”

 

“Ah. Okay. As long as it wasn’t any of mine.” And he turned back around and that was that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, I said I'd put translator notes and then...promptly forgot ^^;
> 
> Kireina hitomi dane means "you have beautiful eyes"  
> Jaa ne is a more casual form of "goodbye", more like "see ya" or "see you later"  
> A plus tard is French for "see you later"


	3. Chotto Matte Kudasai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Practice between bros

Maybe it was for his own good he actually didn’t see Danny around on Wednesday, so electrified at the thought of hanging out with him he thought he might just puke from the sheer excitement and anticipation.

 

On Thursday at work, the hours dragged on and but he didn’t dare act like he was in any hurry to go anywhere, still sure his mind was blowing things way out of proportion. So far it was just friendship and barely that. Why was he trying to make it, even just in own mind, something it wasn’t, might never be?

 

He couldn’t help it, deep down. If he had any doubts about his feelings towards guys, he could always look to his roommate Ross. He liked Ross well enough and they got along but he never got the overwhelming feeling he had with Danny; that heart stopping feeling, feeling of wanting to close the distance between them, feel Danny’s lips touch his...

 

When his shift was over, he fought his hoodie on and took off towards his dorm building, his breath getting short as he passed through the front doors.

 

By the time he got to Danny’s dorm room, there were uncomfortably sticky sweat stains under his shirt and his face was flushed as he braced a hand on the wall to catch his breath. Luckily the hallway was empty so nobody could see him with his ponytail a mess as he tried to draw precious air back into his aching lungs.

 

Finally, after heaving up a storm, he straightened and knocked on Danny’s door. There was a pause and some shuffling behind the door before Danny threw it open and gave him a beatific, lopsided grin, wearing a well-worn Def Leppard “Pyromania” T-shirt and jeans that looked just as worn with distressed holes poking through the softened denim.

 

“Hey!” He then paused and frowned a little at Arin, who was still struggling to breathe. “Dude, are you okay?”

 

Arin nodded, brushing the strands of hair back from his face with twitchy hands. _God, why did I think it was a good idea to run all this way? What the fuck was I thinking?_ “Yeah, just...heh...hot…”

 

Danny blinked and stood aside, letting Arin in. “Okay. Uh...can I get you something to drink?”

 

“Ahm...y-yeah.” Since there was no furniture on Danny’s side of the room even to stretch out on, he sat on the edge of the bed, seeing spread out several rolled up bundles of colored string and a metal tin. Peering inside, he saw an assortment of beads of different shapes, sizes, and colors.

 

“Is Pepsi okay?” Danny asked as he leaned over, opening a mini-fridge. Only looking in for a second, Arin could see it was full of Pepsi cans as well as an opened box of Snickers ice cream bars.

 

“Yeah...that’s fine.”

 

Arin toed off his shoes and pulled himself fully on the bed, taking off his hoodie before flopping backward on the cushy bed. He closed his eyes briefly before he felt the mattress dip to one side, Danny crossing his legs and holding out a frosty can to him.

 

With a grunt, Arin sat up and popped the top with his thumbnail, gasping as the icy soda poured way too fast down his parched throat and he coughed, covering his mouth with the side of his hand to keep any of it from spilling out of his mouth. “Whew!” He laughed shakily. “Fuck, that’s cold!”

 

Danny giggled. “You’re lucky my mini-fridge actually works. I had to get it replaced from last semester. That one totally crapped out on me.”

 

After a few more hearty but steady gulps, Arin set the can on the nightstand as Danny started unspooling the pink thread. He didn’t know why but he was dancing on the inside that Danny actually remembered he wanted pink without asking him.

 

Danny held out a knotted loop to Arin. “Hold this for me.”

 

“Er, sure…” Arin said with a small nod. 

 

With a cough, Danny spread out the strings and started to knot and loop them. He did that for about thirty seconds before he chuckled. “So...what are you majoring in? Haven’t decided yet?”

 

“Oh...no, I’m studying graphic design.” Arin flexed his finger as the rough string tugged against the joint. “I really want to do animation.”

 

Danny’s smile brightened. “Oh yeah? That’s awesome! A man of many talents.”

 

“‘Talents’?”

 

Danny gave a shrug. “Oh, just speaking Japanese and drawing. You...want to go to Japan and make anime?”

 

Arin rolled his eyes and snorted. “Naw, I don’t know about that. They work you to death in those animation studios over there. Mostly I want to make my own stuff here, maybe move to California, where all the big studios are.” As he watched Danny work with his head bent forward, he chuckled lightly. “What are you majoring in?”

 

Danny’s eyes shifted under his brows. “Psh, advertising.”

 

“WHAT?!” He couldn’t disguise the disbelief in his voice but Danny burst into a laugh at that himself.

 

“I know, I know. It was mostly my Dad’s idea. It’s not what I really want to do, though.”

 

Now Arin’s interest was piqued. “What do you want to do?”

 

The corner of Danny’s mouth quirked in a shy smile. “Sing. Play music.”

 

“Yeah? Can...you...sing something for me?”

 

“Heh...like what?”

 

Arin shrugged. “I mean...I dunno...”

 

Danny hummed in thought and went silent. For a second, maybe Arin thought Dan was bullshitting him but very softly he could hear Dan sing.

 _Hey Jude_  
_Don’t make it bad_  
_Take a sad song and make it better_  
_Remember to let her into your heart_  
_Then you can start_  
_To make it better_  
_Hey Jude_  
_Don’t be afraid_  
_You were made to_  
_Go out and get her_  
_The minute you let her under your skin_  
_Then you begin to make it begin_  
_To make it better_  
_And any time you feel the pain_  
_Hey Jude, refrain_  
_Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders_  
_For well you know that’s it’s a fool_  
_Who plays it cool_  
_By making his world a little colder_

 

Danny took a breath. “Aaaanyway, that’s just a sample. Heh, sorry. I’m a bit rusty. Can you hand me a bead?”

 

Arin blinked hard, thunderstruck. His head was swimming and he was sure his face was still cherry red, his breath all but gone. “Duuude, you’re...really good!”

 

At that praise, Danny’s shy half-smile reappeared. “Thanks, man. I do have a band that I play with but...eh, I dunno. We haven’t had any gigs in a while.”

 

“Oh.” With a gulp, he added, "C-could I maybe...come to one of your shows sometime?”

 

“Totally! I just need to figure out where our guitarist is and ask him. We don’t have any classes together so I rarely see him but yeah.”

 

It felt like a stupid question to ask but he went ahead anyway. “Was that song one of yours?”

 

Danny snorted under his breath. “I wish. It’s The Beatles.”

 

“Oh. I...don’t think I’ve heard any of their stuff. I mean...I know who they ARE, I just...I don’t know any of their songs,” and he trailed off in a mutter, realizing how that sounded coming out of his mouth.

 

“Yeah? Dude, they are SO good. I should make you a mix sometime. Not to brag but I am known for my awesome mixtapes. Bead?”

 

“Oh!” Arin looked down at the tin and fished around with his other hand before picking out an off-white, skull-shaped bead and handed it Danny, who smiled at it.

 

“Niiice.” Stringing the bead through the hemp cord, he went back to knotting and looping the cords.

 

Looking over Danny’s work curiously, he adjusted himself without moving too much and disturbing him. His legs were starting to fall asleep underneath him. “How do you know how to do this?”

 

Danny shrugged. “Practice, mostly. It’s not that hard, really. Just kinda...memorize it.”

 

“What...kind of music do you play?”

 

“Uhm...it’s kinda like...eighties heavy metal and rock, sometimes seventies stuff.” He cast his eyes upwards and they crinkled around the edges with amusement. “Hey, just because I’m pothead doesn’t mean I play any hippie shit.”

 

Arin pulled his shoulders up defensively. “Oh no, I didn’t think that…”

 

Danny pursed his lips. “Good. I can’t stand jam band shit. You wouldn’t catch me DEAD in the quad with like...an acoustic guitar and a bottle of Corona just…uuugh.” He shuddered playfully and giggled. “I hate those guys. They’re the woooorst.”

 

In his experience, he hadn’t seen many of “those” guys. The weather didn’t seem mild out for them to hang out around in the grassy areas around campus. Still, he was inclined to agree anyway. “I think I know the guys you mean. I mean, I’d see ‘em in Florida during the summer or spring break, always with a bonfire and playing some Jason Mraz song trying to act all cool and sensitive.” Danny interrupted him with a knowing chortle but Arin continued. “Like dude, stop. You’re NOT cool.” He rolled his eyes. “Like I have any fucking clue what cool is. Not that, though. That’s for damn sure.”

 

Danny chuckled. “Yeah, we’re _totally_ cool...fuckin’...everybody cool is out getting shitfaced and we’re in here making jewelry. Not that I mind, though.”

 

Arin’s heart leaped suddenly in his chest. “Yeah?”

 

Dan shrugged. “Sure. I mean...like I said, I don’t really do big groups or parties. If I do get dragged to one, it’s usually a party that revolves around DnD or I’m just so fucking bored, I’m the idiot who yells that he’s going to jump into the pool and then DOES and I’m just walking around in cold, wet clothes all night...which actually happened, by way. Bead?” As Arin handed him another skull bead, Danny laughed and shook his head at himself at the memory. “Oh man, I was fucking WASTED that night. I think...yeah, I was trying to dance with...I don’t fucking know, some girl there and for some reason, I couldn’t see all that well. I don’t know. My vision was all wobbly and fuzzy and she kind of slid away ‘cuz I guess I was flailing and spazzing around so much so I just ended up going to the nearest like...person-sized object so…” He covered his mouth, giggling so much he could barely get the words out. “Picture me getting up all the CD tower just grinding up against it and just knocking CDs on the floor.”

 

“WHAT?!” Arin laughed, scrunching up his nose in amused disbelief.

 

Danny laughed in acknowledgment. “But no, you’d think THAT, the sound of all these CD’s just hitting the floor would be some indication but I’m just...fuckin’ goin’ to TOWN on this thing. Eventually, somebody tapped me on the shoulder like ‘Uh, Danny?’ and I’m practically climbing this thing and I snap out of it and I see…” Danny snorted and shook his head at himself again. “Oh god. Is it any wonder nobody invites me to parties when I do shit like that?”

 

Arin almost didn’t want to ask but again, he couldn’t help himself. “You didn’t...conclude, did you?”

 

Danny raised an eyebrow quizzically. “You mean c-” Once he got the gist of what Arin said, he shook his head. “Oh. No, no, no. I was rock hard, though. I’m glad in hindsight it didn’t have any convenient, y’know...dick-shaped holes. I might have tried to, not gonna lie.”

 

“Oh my god, dude. You’re fucking nasty,” Arin giggled.

 

He had meant it as a harmless comment, just a joke between two guy friends. Still, there was that insidious thought. If the dynamic between him and Danny was _just_ two straight guy friends, it would lose that charged sense of tension, like without meaning to laying out a trap for Danny to trigger that would then prove that maybe, just maybe...they might become something more.

 

Instead Dan laughed at that. “Hey, I’m not that nasty! The nasty thing would have been if he tapped me on the shoulder, turn around and go “WHAT? I’m BUSY.” and keep going. Like...psh, I have some standards, at least. Then again, that was the first and only time I tried vodka coolers so…let’s just say I learned my lesson with that.”

 

Arin laughed that comment off, feeling both relieved and disappointed. _Huh. Maybe it is nothing._

 

Danny held up his palm and Arin handed him another bead. After that, there was relative silence before Danny coughed and shifted on the bed as he knotted the end of the bracelet. “Okay, all done. You can let go now.”

 

  
Arin did so and Danny took the bracelet, fishing around in the tin for a small pair of metal scissors and snipped the excess hemp off the end. Arin's mouth went dry as Danny without warning leaned in far too close and grabbed Arin by the wrist and put the bracelet on, pulling on both ends until it was secured snugly but not too tight.

 

A smile of gratitude split Arin’s face and for once, he didn’t try to halt the happy thrumming in his chest. “Thanks! It looks...awesome.” Looking at it now, he realized he probably should have chosen different colored beads to compliment the hot pink cord but now he couldn’t have cared less. Danny made this for him. More importantly, Dan WANTED to spend time with him to make it for him. He didn't have to but he wanted to. 

 

Danny smiled back and held out his wrist as well. “Great, now we match! Actually…” he leaned over and hummed. “Blue and pink, that’s the Miami Vice colors. Awesome! It...really turned out alright.”

 

A brief moment of silence fell over both and them and Arin couldn’t help the need, the urge, rising up in him, ready to explode. 

 

Cautiously, he started to lean forward, his mouth going dry as a bone. Around him, he was incredibly aware of every tiny noise in the dorm room: the creaking of the bed, his own breath struggling out of his lungs. He even wondered if Danny can hear his heart beating out of control because it's practically deafening in his own head. 

 

Danny looks at him, his eyes wide. As Arin starts to move closer, Danny's eyes dart away from his face, pulling back sharply once he realizes, once Arin can see it on his face, what's he's about to do. 

 

“Heh...Arin…” He starts blinking rapidly and there is a hint of a blush coloring his cheeks, his voice quiet. “What...what are you doing?”

 

“Uh…” Arin, frantic, tries to catch his breath. “Nothing, I wasn’t...I wasn’t doing anything.”

 

Dan’s eyes dart and jump again and he ducked his head, passing a hand over the back of his neck. “Uhm...heh...okay? Just...for a second, I thought you were gonna kiss me or something.”

 

Arin’s lips draw into a pout as indignant heat bursts in his cheeks. He didn’t plan on doubling down on denying his stupid, impulsive attempt. It was more about saving face, protecting himself. He still couldn’t properly gauge what Dan’s reaction to the whole thing was.

 

“No! What...pfft, why would I do that? I wasn’t going to _kiss_ you...tch…c’mon dude...”

 

Danny lifted his head and raised a curious eyebrow. “Oh yeah. Why not?”

 

 _Shit, he wasn’t expecting that reaction._ “Uh...well...for one…” He wracked his brain. Besides smoking weed, he hadn’t found anything about Danny that was potentially a deal-breaker. If anything, the more he learned about Danny only made his crush that much more intense. “You...you smell bad.”

 

Danny wrinkled his nose in disbelief. “What? I smell _bad_?”

 

  
It was literally the only thing that came to mind. Might as well own up to it now. It wasn’t exactly a lie but Arin didn’t exactly smell like a bed of roses either. “Yeah, I don’t like that...pot smell.” He tried to make his statement firm but he felt it crumbling as it left his mouth.

 

“Oh.” Danny rolled his eyes. “Well, I wasn’t going to kiss you either.”

 

Arin’s brows creased, just a fraction. “W-why not?”

 

As if to taunt him, Danny ran a thoughtful finger over his bottom lip. “I dunno. I can’t really kiss anybody who says I smell bad, bro.” and he laughed and nudged Arin in the shoulder, jostling him a little.

 

Arin tried to laugh, trying to mask the panic that he might have ruined this perfectly good burgeoning friendship by being impulsive, seeing that pause as his chance to take a stupid risk and kiss Danny.

 

It was then he realized how out of his depth he was. He’d had guy friends where the joking and rough-housing went to gray areas that could be seen as “gay” like the D-Club he had made with his friends in high school but he’d never been in the situation of wanting to push things potentially too far and risk rocking the boat, letting it tip over and Danny realizing what his intentions were and shutting him out. He could even see in his mind the scenario play out: maybe not the spooked and angry reaction but a more muted, flat “I’m sorry but…”

 

He didn’t even know for sure if Danny was even “that way” or be willing to go “that way”. He had nothing like gay-dar and nothing about Danny’s behavior, mannerisms, the way he dressed, really _anything_ screamed “gay” or at least “willing to experiment with the opposite sex”.

 

For a moment, Arin felt unbelievably hurt. Was he barking up the wrong tree entirely? Should he just forget about this crush and set his sights somewhere more realistic? That’d be the more rational course of action but he found unable to consider that option with a sinking inevitability. He was too far gone now. The inside cover of his sketchbook already had a scrawled, clumsy heart with “Danny + Arin” written inside, complete with flames and wrapped in barbed wire. Since he didn’t want a hard copy sitting inconspicuously in his room, he started a lot of embarrassingly saccharine, half-formed poetry in his private Google Docs, only indicative of its subject by repeated mentions of “ocean-blue hair” and related watery metaphors and similes.

 

However he wanted to let this play out, Arin knew he couldn’t let Danny know any of this. He already promised to not follow him around like a lost puppy and he’d been relieved that Danny hadn’t been mad but he couldn’t risk taking too much of an allowance. If he found out Arin’s true feelings, he might be less understanding. The last thing he wanted was Danny to get mad at him or worse: having to make Danny let him down easy to spare his feelings. His stupid, pathetic feelings.

 

Danny tilted his head to the side, peering at him. “Arin? Are you...mad at me?”

 

Arin gave himself a shake to attention, trying not to act slighted or disappointed in any way. He could stand to be less transparent about the whole thing going forward. “What? No…”

 

The corner of Danny’s mouth quirked to the side, combing a hand through his hair. “Uh...this is a weird question but...are you like...seeing anyone?”

 

“Oh...like…” He broke off that sentence and shook his head. “No, not really. I’m just...haven’t met anybody yet since I started here. Hard to meet people, ya know?” And he bobbed his shoulders in a show casual admission, like it was no big deal. 

 

Danny gave a slight nod. “Ah. Okay. That makes sense.”

 

 _Where’s he going with this?_ He wondered.

 

Dan licked his lips briefly and sighed heavily. “Okay. I mean...I guess I’m fine kissing you, if it’s just...neither of us have a girlfriend or anything. It can be like...practice. Just between us bros.”

 

Arin almost, ALMOST, wanted to laugh out loud at that logic. He hadn’t exactly been a stud back in West Palm Beach but he’d had girlfriends before, let alone kissed before. Still, if the only way he could kiss Danny was through pretending this was just “practice between bros” versus refusing the offer out of some weird sense of straight guy pride, hell yes he was going to take it. But still, the prospect of that didn’t make him any less nervous.

 

Arin swallowed with difficulty. “Y-you sure you want to? I mean...we don’t have to…”

 

Danny rolled his eyes and smirked in sudden understanding. “ _Ohhhh._ Right. You don’t want to because I smell bad. I getcha.” With a grunt, he heaved himself off the bed and padded into the bathroom. From his position on the bed, Arin tried to crane his neck into the open doorway, seeing Danny pull his T-shirt up and hearing an aerosol can of deodorant being sprayed in irregular bursts just out of sight.

 

With a sigh of satisfaction, Danny stepped back out and climbed back onto the bed, now with an overwhelming smell of Old Spice body spray hovering around him in a sharp cloud.

 

As Danny climbed back onto the bed, he moved aside the bundles of hemp string with his hand and knelt closer.

 

Arin struggled to breathe as he watched Danny inch his way towards him until he was almost settled right in between Arin's spread open legs, making Arin pull backward in impulse.

 

Danny blinked at him in bewilderment. "Dude, relax, okay?" With a sigh, he brushed the hair away from his face. "Have you...like...ever kissed a guy before?"

 

Arin shook his head, words temporarily failing him before coming out in a huffy whisper. "N-no...never."

 

It was only later the idea dawned on him to ask Danny the same thing but he was too focused on the present, Danny's face, his lips hovering so close but so far away.

 

Danny swallowed, his voice coming out oddly tender and quiet. "Then...you can pretend I'm a girl, if...it'll be easier for you."

 

"Okay," Arin lied. He'd only known Danny for a short period of time but there was no way in hell he could pretend he didn't want this by imagining Danny as anybody else.

 

The bedspread swished underneath them as Danny maneuvered into a better position, almost backing Arin completely up against the pillows at the head of the bed and Arin fought to quiet his breathing, sure it sounded incredibly loud and labored, his body trembling all over from the sheer anticipation and Danny hadn't even touched him yet.

 

The older student let out a sigh. "Arin, I...are you sure you really want to do this?" Danny's eyes met his and Arin's heart broke at the look, his hazel-brown puppy dog eyes looking concerned, even unsure.

 

Arin nodded quickly. "Yeah, I do, I'm just-"

 

" 'Cuz I don't want to force you to if you don't want to, I mean, I just wanted to-"

 

"No, Dan, I..." Arin touched the side of Danny's arm and felt oddly courageous as his hand settled there more fully. "I'm cool with it. Really.”

 

Danny gave a small shy smile of acknowledgment, his expression mellowing. “Okay.” Arin was momentarily distracted as Danny licked his lips, sitting on back on his heels.

 

“So...you ready?”

 

Arin exhaled and nodded, scooting over until the tops of Danny’s knees were almost touching his inner thighs.

 

As Danny started to lean in, Arin bit back a gasp and coughed to cover it.

 

“Do...I mean...do you want to have rules or-?”

 

Danny blinked. “Rules?”

 

“Like...no tongues or-?”

 

“Oh. Um...naw. Just whatever.”

 

Arin jolted as he felt Danny’s forehead come down gently against his temple.

 

“I’m sorry if this sounds gay but...you look really cute when you blush like this.” Danny’s fingers lightly stroked Arin’s cheek for emphasis and he couldn’t hide his expectant shivers, swallowing a pleased mewl.

 

“Oh.” was all that ended up coming out of his mouth at that as fireworks exploded in his brain. _He thinks I’m cute!_ “Heh...you...smell nice,” he answered in a clumsy mutter.

 

“Aww, I think you do too, Ar…”

 

Arin thought he was prepared. After all that wishing and hoping, not to mention just the sickening doubt that maybe he might not be bi at all, the sheer relief almost made him faint. But once it dawned on him what was happening, deep down he was scared, scared that he might not be as ready as he thought. He thought everything would be happening in slow-motion but instead the moment between Danny leaning in and the sweet contact of lips happened much faster than he anticipated and he couldn’t help gasping from the sheer surprise despite almost bracing himself for the impact.

 

Arin let out a wordless murmur as Danny cupped the side of his cheek and nudged it into position and there was no warning before Danny’s lips were touching his, warm, gentle and slightly chapped, sighing softly against Arin’s lips.

 

Arin gasped against Danny’s mouth and slipped his hands onto his shoulders, his mouth shaping against Danny’s, trying not to faint as his heart boomed like thunder in his chest, his whole body erupting in ecstatic trembles.

 

_It’s happening! It’s finally happening!_

 

It was only closed mouth kissing for a moment before he felt the tip of Danny’s tongue dip slowly, almost cautiously, into Arin’s eager and open mouth, their quiet noises of enjoyment blending as their tongues danced and stroked, hot and slippery.

 

Danny hummed against his mouth and chuckled, breaking apart from the kiss for a second, his eyes dancing with a darker brown light. “Fuck, Arin...you’re a...heh, really good kisser…”

 

“T-thanks…”

 

He had a thought and was light-headed and giddy enough to voice it. “Danny, can you...speak some French for me?”

 

Danny huffed out a self-conscious laugh. “Ar, I...really don’t know that much. That’s...heh, one of the classes I sleep through, to be honest.” He let out a low purr right next to Arin’s ear and Arin thought he might pass out at the sound, his eyelids fluttering. “Why don’t you speak some Japanese for me instead?”

 

“Just...like...say whatever?”

 

“Mmmhmm…”

 

For some reason, his brain was having trouble sorting through his mental reserves, only pulling up odd beginner phrases. “Ah...c-chotto matte kudasai…” he said in a breathless, almost feminine moan and he felt Danny’s breath draw into a steep gasp, his body giving a sudden shake against Arin’s.

 

“ _OH_. Whoa. Heh, holy shit. You’re...heh really good at doing like a...girl voice…”

 

“Oh...yeah...sorry, I-”

 

“No, it’s okay...it’s just…” Danny kissed him, harder and hotter this time, panting against his lips. “It’s really turning me on for some reason.”

 

Arin chuckled, lightly stroking the sides of Danny’s neck with his fingertips, enjoying the way his eyelids lowered in a warm appraisal. “Oh yeah?” He moaned in a more pornographic, wanton way, making his voice rise to a higher pitch. “Danny-senpai, Kimochi ii...ah!” Even if Danny might not understand it, at least giving it the right inflection, he might at least get something out of it.

 

Arin let out a yelp of surprise as Danny suddenly grabbed him by the waist and pulled him onto his lap, growling low against his neck and making the hairs rise with both fear and arousal. He gulped as he felt something warm and hard prod against his backside.

 

_Oh._

 

“Jesus Christ…” he laughed nervously, his face flushing even more before Danny’s grip on him tightened as his hips started to shift in a subtle but ragged circle underneath him, the friction of their pants burning from the exquisite blend of hot pain and pleasure. He tipped his head back and moaned as Danny kissed along the side of his burning hot neck before crushing his lips to his again, his tongue working its way in with ravenous purpose.

 

Arin’s fingers moved into the expanse of Danny’s hair, marveling for a moment just how soft and fine the texture was as his fingers moved through the curls, pressing closer as one of Danny’s hands passed over his back, the other hand stuck firmly, almost possessively to his ass.

 

“It’s okay. You can pull on my hair, baby,” Danny panted.

 

Arin’s heart pounded as the words flowed into his ear, his erection throbbing against the crotch of his khakis. He exhaled, his fingers closing around a hank of curls and gave a tiny experimental tug and he jumped as Danny’s hand came down on his ass in an eye-popping smack and cried out involuntarily which Danny smirked at, instantly making blood surge right to his growing erection.

 

Danny’s eyes opened a fraction, almost knocking Arin over completely as Danny’s molten gaze pierced through him like a hot arrow. There was almost no warning as Danny surged up and Arin was flipped completely on his back, Danny leaning over him and pressing himself close between Arin’s shaky legs, Arin’s hands gravitating back to Danny’s shoulders as he rutted against the growing bulge.

 

“ _More._ ” It seemed to come from somewhere distant but Arin could feel the hard growl reverberate from deep within Danny’s chest.

 

 _God, I’ve never been more scared or horny in my fucking life._ He let out a shuddery, nervous laugh, both to break the tension and make light of his own frazzled nerves. “Heh. Holy fuck, Dan…”

 

Danny panted and just like that, that scary and hungry look retreated and there was that shy, apologetic smile again. “Heh...shit, sorry.” Danny’s hands planted on either side of Arin’s head and he laid lighter kisses on Arin’s over sensitive lips. “I’m pretty pent up. Mmmm, I didn’t mean to...fuck, get so intense…”

 

Arin sighed, stroking and petting Danny’s shoulders and upper back, too dizzy to be scared for very long. “It’s okay, I’m...fine letting you take it out on me,” he whispered in between kisses.

 

A drop of panic settled in Arin’s stomach for blurting that out and before Danny could react or he could backtrack, the door to the dorm opened. It didn’t burst open but it was as sudden and loud as a gunshot and Danny immediately sprang up as somebody stumbled in backward, carrying a heavy backpack on his shoulder and an equally heavy stack of books in their arms.

 

“‘Ey Dan…” he muttered.

 

There was a brief moment with his back was turned enough for Arin to sit up as well, straightening himself, his heart beating hard and guilty and his face getting even more flushed.

 

“Bar...h-hey…” Danny gulped and passed a shaky hand through his hair, his eyes darting to Arin before Danny’s roommate turned around and unloaded his books on his desk.

 

Arin fidgeted, avoiding the curious gaze of Dan’s roommate. “I...I gotta go,” he blurted out and he slid off the bed, gathering his shoes and putting his hoodie on.

 

“Ar…”

 

Arin looked over his shoulder to Danny, looking for any indication on how to react.

 

Danny’s lips tightened and he rubbed a hand over a frayed hole in his jeans, avoiding Arin’s gaze. “I’ll...see you around,” he finally mumbled.

 

Arin’s stomach dropped like a flaming brick. No, he really wasn’t expecting Danny to introduce him to his roommate after such a surprised, guilty reaction but to be shut out so totally like hurt, hurt more than he thought it would. Would they then have to pretend that this all never happened or worse: would Danny not want to be around him anymore after getting caught in the act? Did he actually ruin everything like he feared all along?

 

Most of all, he felt completely rotten to the core, the lighter than air excitement of finally kissing Danny, finally getting a brief taste of what he wanted for what seemed to be forever collapsing in on itself like an overripe pumpkin, turning into a gross, disgusting mess, the taste of Danny’s kisses turning to a sour, bitter taste. The taste of failure. Of rejection.

 

Arin nodded, out of sorts. “Y-You...too.” As he walked stiffly to the door, he gave Danny’s roommate a nod of greeting or farewell (he wasn’t sure which) and left, willing himself not to cry.

\---  
As soon as Arin left, Dan bolted into the bathroom, almost tripping and losing his footing on one of the piles of his dirty clothes on the floor before closing the door behind him.

 

With a huff, he pressed his back to the door, trying to calm his breathing, his vision going spotty and his heart still pounding like a bass drum.

 

_What the fuck just happened?_

 

One of the things his counselor taught him whenever he felt like he was losing control was to backtrack so he tried to steady his breathing and focus. Okay, where did he go wrong?

 

Everything seemed to go alright and for once he was relieved that Arin started to warm up to him and not be so shy and spooked but then...it had only been a joke. He didn’t expect Arin to look so...disappointed, so hurt.

 

He only wanted to make Arin feel better. He just wanted to fix things. But then…

 

Dan’s mind continued to spin. Had he misjudged the whole situation entirely? All he really wanted to calm Arin down, get him to not be so nervous and scared of him. Had he unintentionally done something to scare him away again?

 

No, he couldn’t have been mistaken. He tried to backtrack in his head, pinpoint to the exact moment where the safe shield of a joke between two friends fell away and there was a brief glimpse of a genuine reaction from Arin. Denying Arin a kiss had hurt his feelings. He could see that now, crystal clear. Arin had tried to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal, like he wasn’t being serious in the first place but he couldn’t hide it completely. Arin’s shoulders had slumped and he went quiet, curling in on himself and retreating like a turtle into its shell.

 

It hadn’t really been anything. He just wanted to make Arin feel better. Give him what he wanted. In the moment leading up to it, he was positive he trying to go about fixing everything the wrong way but then as soon as their lips touched, it was like Arin became like a morning glory, unfurling its petals and leaning towards the sun, shivering against him not unlike his dog back home Princess Tinkles would do after a freezing morning walk.

 

It seemed incredibly obvious to him now. It wasn’t just a joke. Arin really wanted that kiss. He could understand that. Being away from home at a new school, no real friends yet. Arin had to have felt incredibly lonely to glom onto him like he seemed to do but also skittish to the point where he wondered if Arin had been bullied or made fun of in the past.

 

If that’s all it was, just a helpful gesture on his part, why was he so goddamn hard, still?

 

He exhaled, a shiver rippling through his body. God, how pent-up was he, that kissing Arin, feeling his body pressed against him, hearing him speak Japanese in such a filthy, feminine way just revved his engine? He didn’t even know what Arin was saying but in the end, it didn’t matter. It was absolutely the _way_ he said it that aroused him. Still, the look in on Arin’s face, his gooey dark brown eyes blown wide open with something like ‘Oh god, what have I done?’ made him pull back, if only for a second, even if he was too fixated on the bright flush all over Arin’s face and down his neck like a rosy-cheeked cherub, his lips swollen red and glossy with spit.

 

“Fuck,” he breathed. His hands were shaking as he held himself up against the door before he put the seat down and slumped onto the toilet.

 

As his brain spun, of all the things, his mind conjured up the lyrics to “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers. 

 _It was only a kiss_  
_How did it end up like this_  
_It was only a kiss_

 

He rubbed his palms over the tops of his thighs in an effort to calm himself down before he muttered “Fuck it,” and pressed the heel of his hand to his thwarted erection. He thought about coaxing it down but it was throbbing way too hard. He couldn’t face Barry with such a rager and it didn’t look like he could calm it down at this rate.

 

Fuck it.

 

Exhaling again, his shaking hand unzipped his jeans and he covered his mouth with his other hand as his fingers closed around his pulsing shaft, quieting his whines of discomfort at the work of that friction. His cock throbbed again at the memory, yearning for Arin. Yearning for his heat, his touch.

 

If Barry hadn’t interrupted him, they could have...

 

He worked to finish that thought in his head, quickly spitting in his hand and starting to stroke himself slowly but purposefully so he could get rid of it, somehow purge himself of these feelings.

 

_How did it end up like this?_

 

His mind orbited back to the last thing Arin had said before Barry walked in on them.

 

_I’m fine letting you take it out on me._

 

What did he mean by that? What did Dan even want it to mean?

 

Dan squeezed his eyes shut, seeing only in his mind Arin, his obscenely red lips wrapped around his dick, his own fingers working his way through his glossy brown hair, messing up and unraveling that adorable little ponytail, imagining his shaft disappearing into the wet heat of his mouth.

 

Cursing under his breath, he fumbled for the bottle of lotion sitting on the bathroom counter and squeezed a glob into his shaky hand before bringing the cool, slippery handful and massaging his aching dick, going further in his mind, following the fantasy to its logical conclusion, all the while muffling his involuntary noises into the hand clamped over his mouth. 

 

_It was only a kiss._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you guys so much for being patient with me. My day job left me with not a lot of free time to write or update stories so I had to basically write bits and pieces here and there until I could devote more time to updating and I will be updating more this month. 
> 
> Also, I want to direct your attention to my ko-fi page. It's an experiment now since I don't know how viable it is as something that will tide me over until I find a summer job. I won't put any stories behind a pay wall: they will always be free and I'll try my best to keep writing as long as I'm able even if it takes a while BUT...if you want to and are able to support my "hobby" in any way, you can donate to my page here: https://ko-fi.com/amandroid  
> I won't spam the link but it's on my profile now too. 
> 
> Translator notes:  
> chotto matte kudasai means "please wait a second"  
> kimochi ii means something like "it feels good"


	4. It's Dangerous to Go Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan tries to sort out his feelings for Arin

Dan groaned and rubbed a clumsy hand over his face before taking another swallow of coffee and then immediately scowled with disgust. Cold.

 

He cursed himself for being put in the position of procrastinating and doing a paper last minute for his Egyptology class...after at least the fourth consecutive time. It hadn't been like his professor didn't already give him an extension; an extension he felt like he didn’t deserve in the first place but still. Whatever. He figured he might as well power through the last bits in the brief hours before class in the student lounge while Barry slept.

 

He paused Spotify on his laptop and put it aside, moving along with it a wrinkled nest of papers, books, and notes as he swung his legs off the couch and went to the coffee machine sitting idle on the counter.

 

He rolled his eyes at himself trying to move the heavy glass carafe out of the machine and pour himself another cup when he heard the door open.

 

His tired eyes darted up for a second. Maybe he was expecting somebody also pulling an all-nighter slinking back to their room or something to that effect. Once his sluggish brain caught up with identifying who it was, he pulled his head up again, this time to look closer.

 

At first, he could only see the person from the back but what made his heart jump was seeing the pink hemp bracelet on their wrist. Pink hemp with skull-shaped beads.

 

So it was Arin but what surprised him shouldn't have surprised him at all. He'd only seen Arin a handful of times by now but he realized Arin never wore anything more revealing than jeans or a T-shirt.

 

Seeing Arin now in an orange and pink tank top and shorts shouldn't have been a big deal but just seeing Arin’s milky-white bare arms and legs had his eyes sticking with greedy interest without realizing it. Once he did, he shook his head at himself, finally forcing his eyes away.

 

He already felt rotten and ashamed that he had started thinking about Arin "that way", even more so that Barry, not being an idiot, gave him a very wary look as he got out of the bathroom after Arin had left: glistening, red-faced and smelling like lotion. He didn't say anything but Dan almost wished he had. He really wanted somebody to talk to about all this like his counselor. Some neutral party to help him sort out these weird feelings and not judge him for it.

 

Arin didn't notice him as he slouched to the side holding onto his duffel bag with one hand and checking his phone with the other, his head bent over the screen but close enough for Dan to see Arin's rich brown hair unraveling from his ponytail and a spirited flush riding high on his round cheeks. 

 

Dan bit his lip unconsciously as he stood frozen, lost in his own recollection of just how flushed Arin got back in his room. Before he left and left him with a raging boner with Arin's name written all over it. 

 

While Dan was deep in thought, Arin seemed to sigh and put his phone away, starting to walk out of the lobby of the building and Dan's stomach gave a lurch of panic. 

 

He made an exclamation but cut off realizing through all of this, he was still holding his coffee cup and had to stop himself stumbling after Arin and spilling it all over himself.

 

"Fuck it," he muttered and put it on the counter before trotting towards Arin, who turned to look at him with his eyes blown wide with genuine surprise, flinching back.

 

Dan stopped in front of him, brushing his hair out of his eyes and stopping himself from combing his hair into a proper shape with his fingers. Dammit, I must look like such a mess, he thought. He was only one step away from wearing actual pajamas.

 

"H-hey..." he panted.

 

"Hey..." Arin muttered. "I...didn't think...you'd be up this early..."

 

"Oh, um...I have a..." he gestured behind him, hopefully in the direction of where his laptop and notes were. "...a paper to write. Kinda...put off doing it but heh...that's whatever. Wouldn't be the first time."

 

Arin gave a brief nod and swallowed. " 'Kay."

 

"Hey, so uh...what's the occasion, dude? ” Dan blurted out. His eyes were unable to stop from wandering over the soft contours of Arin’s arms. Closer now, he could see a faint but noticeable line around his upper arms indicative of a t-shirt tan line.

 

"What?"

 

"Just...you look...different. Wearing...shorts...and..." Dan stopped himself short. _Do I sound like a creep? Goddammit._

 

"Oh...I just...I go to the campus gym sometimes...lift weights a little..." Arin trailed off and gave a shy shrug.

 

"For real? Dude...you're like..." He stopped himself again. Arin wasn't RIPPED or overly muscled per se but from a closer view, he definitely in his arms there was a definition there suggesting muscles or at least fitness. "I don't know how to describe it but...you're pretty jacked, not gonna lie.”  

 

Arin's eyes jumped and he hunched his shoulders, rubbing his arms self-consciously. "What? No, I don't...I'm not even..." He scoffed. "Don't make fun of me, dude."

 

"For real! I'm..." Dan huffed and moved closer, ducking his head. "I'm actually kind of jealous, to be honest."

 

Before he could think to stop himself, his hands were reaching out and lightly brushing against Arin's bicep, making the younger man pull away, his dark brown eyes darting up and around; everywhere people might walk in. 

 

"Da-Dan...people might see us..."

 

Dan opened his mouth and then closed it, finding himself about to cajole Arin into letting him touch a bit more on the grounds that it was too early for anybody to be around. He didn’t know that for sure anyway.

 

He dropped his hand and sighed. "Actually...I wanted to..." He broke off and sighed again. "I'm sorry I kinda...shut you out when my roommate walked in on us. I just...didn't know what to do. Never really been put in that position before.” He glanced down and back to Arin's face.

 

Arin’s mouth quirked to the side as he absorbed this bit of information. "I mean...it's...we shouldn't have been doing that anyway..." He made a move to back away and retreat but Dan held out a hand to stop him, more or less prepared to grab him to keep him from leaving.

 

"Hey, that's not what I meant! I mean..." He gulped. "I don't have a problem with us doing stuff like that, really! Or...more than just making out...if you wanted to."

 

“...More?” Arin’s voice was quiet and Dan almost wished he could backtrack to save Arin from pulling away again, even wondering if he was being too forward.

 

“Yeah! I mean...but like I said, only if you wanted to.”

 

Arin swallowed and shifted from foot to foot. “I...can I think about it? Just…” He tilted his head to the side. “I have to shower and go to my life drawing class and-”

 

“That’s cool! Uhm...when will you be free?”

 

An uneven row of teeth appeared as Arin chewed on his lip in thought. “Maybe...this...afternoon at about 5?”

 

“Sweet! Where did you want to meet up at? Actually…” Dan patted his pocket and took out his phone. “I don’t have your number. Can I just text you and I’ll tell you about…” he gave a small smile. “Secret Spot #1.” With a half-hearted giggle, he added: “It can be like a treasure hunt, except the treasure will be me.”

 

_Shit. Why did I say that? What the fuck?_

 

To Dan’s immense relief, Arin’s expression mellowed and he let out a quiet laugh of his own, taking his phone out of his pocket. “Um, sure. Do I need to blow up any walls?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I mean...you’re wearing a Zelda shirt so…”

 

“Oh!” Dan looked down and remembered he was wearing a Zelda shirt, one sporting one too many burn holes at the bottom for his liking. Oh well. He rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Naw, you don’t need any bombs. You don’t even need a sword or anything. Just…” He scoffed again and combed his fingers through his hair. He was running too little sleep and caffeine to come up with anything clever or even Zelda related. “Just come and we can talk.”

 

Arin nodded. “Okay.” He started to back away, lightly scratching the side of his arm and then gave him a small wave. “Well, I’ll see you...later. Good luck with your paper, I guess…”

 

“Thanks…”

 

As he watched Arin leave, it took him a while to remember that he did have a paper to write and he almost wished he could somehow skip over the whole thing: talk Arin into playing hooky so they could hang out, just to talk. Even if his mind wanted to go further and imagine more than just talking (a lot more), he really only wanted things to be cool between them even if they never did anything beyond hang out and be friends.

 

He wanted to believe it would be that easy but the more he thought about it once he got back to his paper, the less likely it seemed. How was he supposed to pretend everything was copacetic if he had been imagining Arin sucking his dick and got REALLY worked up thinking about it or even that he was checking out Arin’s arms or really wanted to hear Arin moan Japanese in his ear again, despite not understanding a word of what he said? 

 

Dan exhaled hard and settled back against the squashy couch, putting his coffee mug to his lips and swallowing. Not piping hot but good enough for now. 

 

\---

Dan refolded his legs and took his phone out.

 

Jeez, it must be really clingy to check up on Arin like this, he fretted. A small part of him did worry Arin might not show. Still, he had to at least tell him how to get here. As he started to type, a light wind picked up, making the trees around him roar and rustle. 

 

**> hey you done with classes?**

 

A few minutes later while he was pouring more e-liquid in his vape pen, his phone buzzed with a text alert. 

 

**> ya. So where is this secret spot? Lol**

 

Dan smiled to himself with mild relief and readjusted himself again on the hard-packed ground before typing back. 

 

**> ok so there’s this science lecture hall. It’s by a big clump of trees on the right. Behind the building, there’s really big grassy hill. I’m at the bottom in his sweet little valley ;)**

 

**> oh like the hidden valley? Do you have ranch? :P**

 

**> lol no. I do have potions, though ;)**

 

**> potions? :S**

 

Dan frowned. He thought “potions” was obvious from talking about Zelda earlier but apparently not.

 

**> I meant sodas, lol**

 

**> oh lol ok. That sounds good. I’ll be right there. I just need to drop off some stuff :D**

 

**> sweet! actually, better yet, just follow the smoke, lol. C u soon :P**

 

Dan found it suddenly incredibly difficult to not leave something cutesy and he ended up deleting a lot of the things he had started to type. Mostly they were seemingly benign things like “love you” (or “love ya”) or the little less than three heart.

 

God, am I FALLING for Arin? Is that’s what’s happening? Or was it just as simple as loneliness? He projected a lot of assumptions on Arin: that he was fixated on Dan as a freshman with no real friends yet in a new place, uprooted from a different state and seeing Dan (wrongly he thought) as the cool older guy to befriend and maybe emulate.

 

Maybe HE was the lonely one.

 

Sure, he had some friends, people he hung out with as far as other stoners went but deep down, he found himself sick of hanging around them, annoyed by how cyclical and small their lives were outside of scoring and smoking weed. Not that he didn't occasionally enjoy hearing crazy stories involving weed or harder partying than he did himself, most of the time he tuned their conversations out more and more often. 

 

He honestly enjoyed spending time with Arin. Even before their spontaneous makeout session. They just got along together from the get-go. 

 

As he was sending out a steady stream of cinnamon-flavored smoke, he was about to text Arin when he heard the wet squish of feet through grass approach and he pulled his head up. 

 

“Hey” Arin stepped towards him, rubbing his forearms. Dan smiled back but found himself more than a little disappointed Arin was back to wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Hiding himself away. 

 

“Hey!” Dan patted a spot next to him and Arin knelt down next to him on the grass as he opened the plastic bag laying on his other side. “I brought some Mexican sodas.”

 

Arin raised an eyebrow. “Mexican sodas?”

 

“Yeah, I get 'em at the bodega and just...they have actual sugar in ‘em and they’re super cheap so…” He took out one of the glass bottles. “Pick wherever you want.”

 

“Okay.” Arin rummaged through the bag and brought out one of the skinny glass bottles that Dan recognized as lime. 

 

“Oh yeah, hang on.” Dan reached into his pocket and took out his keyring. “I have a bottle opener on this thing." 

 

Arin handed him the bottle as Dan fitted the bottle opener on top, uncapping it and throwing the bent bottle cap onto the grass and then did the same to his bottle.

 

“Here you go," Dan said and handed the perspiring bottle back to Arin, who smiled and brushed a slim lock of hair behind his ear and took a tiny sip. 

 

“So uh...how did...your paper go?”

 

“Hmm? Oh...just...fine," Dan sighed and gave a shrug. Even with the extension, the most he could hope for a C plus. 

 

“What class was it for?”

 

Dan shrugged again. “Egyptology. It’s not HARD, I just don’t do projects and stuff on time.”

 

“Too much…” Arin winced and smiled crookedly at him “...smoking reefer?”

 

Dan wrinkled his nose as a loud snort overtook him, sending a rush of carbonated bubbles up his nose. “ ‘Reefer’?! What are you, from the forties? Jesus!”

 

“I don’t KNOW! They still use that-?”

 

“They absolutely DON’T still call pot ‘reefer’!” Dan giggled. “Don’t let anybody I hang with hear you say ‘reefer’. They’ll think you’re an undercover cop or something.” Dan’s laughter subsided, coughing to get rid of the tickle of soda bubbles inside his nostrils. “So...have you thought more about-?”

 

Arin’s eyes jumped and he looked away as if he wasn't expecting Dan to bring that up. “Um...yeah. Kinda.”

 

“I mean, I dunno, dude. If you really don’t want to, I understand, just-”

 

“It’s not that, I’m just...scared and I...don’t know what I’m doing and…”

 

“Well, like I said, I really don’t have a problem hooking up with you and...doing stuff with you.”

 

Arin turned to face him. “Stuff like what?”

 

Dan swallowed. Even though there wasn't much distance to cross as he scooted closer, as the tops of their shoulders touched, he could feel something heavy thud into his stomach. “Um...do you want me to show you?”

 

“Uhm…” Arin looked around. “Maybe? I-”

 

Dan chuckled quietly. “Tsk, I’m not going to whip it out or anything, just...here, lemme...”

 

Dan took one of Arin’s hands in his, carefully bending one of his fingers. For a second, he could feel the heated air of Arin's breath fan against his cheek before he lowered his head, parting his lips and wrapping his mouth around Arin's finger. 

 

Arin quiet gasped out ‘Fuck’ and the wet gulp that followed already had him imagining his lips around something else as his mouth inched along the slim digit, his tongue hugging and curling around as he sucked gently. 

 

He was already breathing harder as he pulled his mouth away with a purposefully slow moist pop, holding his gaze steady with Arin. 

 

“You think you’d be into that...except...with some...other part of your body?" he murmured, a sexy smirk tugging at his mouth. 

 

Arin’s eyelids fluttered, his breath coming out in heavy shudders as his chest gave a hard heave. “Holy...holy shit... I...you’d do that?”

 

“Yeah, or you could blow me.”

 

“I…” Arin laughed, or tried to. Dan was more than a little pleased to see Arin’s breath was all but taken away from that “demonstration”, his cheeks red as cherries. “Shit, you’ve...heh...given me a lot to think about.”

 

“Do you need more time to think about it?”

 

Arin turned his head away, running his trembling fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I...think so…”

 

“Well, tell you what. I did talk to my guitarist about doing a gig so once I hear back from him about the venue, I want you to come and...maybe…”

 

With a sweet, crooked smile, Arin turned his face back to Dan. “Oh. Like...gimme a backstage pass?”

 

“Yeah. You’ll get backstage access.”

 

_Don’t say ‘to these nuts’. Don’t say it._

 

“Sure, I’d...like that…” Arin said and swallowing a tiny gulp of his soda, his eyes dancing and playful, looking at him and quickly darting his gaze away and Dan joined in the tiny self-conscious but giddy chuckles bursting out of Arin’s mouth like bubbles. 

 

“Someone’s being a little giggly monster,” Dan snickered and bumped Arin’s shoulder with his and Arin ducked his head and giggled again.

 

“Yeah, I just...I’m sorry, I’m really just…” Arin covered his face partially with his hand and groaned. “Ughhh, I really can’t act cool around you, I’m just a fucking mess.”

 

“Pffft, dude, it’s okay…”

 

Dan brought one hand around the side of Arin’s face, pulling him closer and getting briefly distracted by the dappled light from the nearby trees dancing across Arin’s upturned face.

 

“Arin, you don’t HAVE to act cool around me. I already think you’re cool, y’know? Like...I WANT to hang out and spend time with you. Don’t fuckin’...beat yourself up, okay?”

 

At this point, it was harder NOT to kiss Arin. He’d thought of nothing else for days.

 

It was only meant to a friendly, ‘feel better’ kiss but as soon as his lips touched Arin’s, fierce desire unfurled in his gut, making him want to forget all about taking things slow and just wanting to drown himself in the feeling, the feeling Arin awoke in him. Just the fleeting feeling of Arin's cool, wet lips and the teasing taste of sugar and citrus made him hungry for more. 

 

Arin’s fingers immediately went into his hair as he returned Dan’s advances with shy, coaxing kisses before gradually pulling himself away, panting softly.

 

“Dan, I…what if somebody saw us?”

 

For a second, annoyance pleated Dan's brow. “Arin, NOBODY is going to see us here plus...fuck whoever decided to watch us, alright? We’re not doing anything wrong. I’m kissing you because I like you, okay?”

 

A smile tugged at Arin’s mouth. “You like me?” to which Dan snorted.

 

“Shit, dude, of course I do!” He gave a small laugh and pecked Arin on the mouth. “You’re so silly.”

 

Arin’s face began to scrunch up. “I’m not SILLY.”

 

Dan laughed back. “Yeah you are. You’re being a big ol’ silly billy…” He peppered Arin’s face with playful smacking kisses, making Arin laugh and fidget, trying to half-heartedly twist away before kissing him more genuinely on the mouth, his warm brown eyes sparkling with adoration.

 

 _Shit...I think I am falling for Arin_ , he thought before immediately following that with _...Fuck it._


	5. Rainy Tie-dye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelter from the storm.

A tiny noise of surprise left Arin’s mouth as he felt something wet drop on his bare arm, then another. 

 

Danny was the one to break their kiss and lift his head, wincing.

 

“Oh, shit, I think it might start raining.” 

 

Arin looked up as well, scanning the sky. The cover of trees around them was dense enough but around the edges of the treetops, he could see bluish gray clouds bunched up overhead. 

 

A trickle of cold drops pattered against his head suddenly, making him hastily sit up, picking up the half-empty glass soda bottle and Danny followed, scooping up the plastic bag and gathering up his things. 

 

Arin cried out at the cold and wet drops beat against the top of his head, trying to shield himself with his arms. “Dan, fuckin’...hurry  _ up _ !” 

 

“Alright, alright!” Danny called out over his shoulder with a laugh as struggled to get off the ground and brush the grass stains off his jeans. “My room’s closer.” 

 

He finally got up and took off across the grass, laughing and swearing but slow enough for Arin to catch up as they wound their way through the almost empty campus, Arin’s laughter pealing almost at the unreality of everything. The whole situation was just so rom-com: getting caught in the rain like this. 

  
  


Then there was everything before that. Not only was Danny not mad at him for practically guilt-tripping him into making out, he was fine with it. More than fine. He wanted to do... _ more _ . He almost wanted to smash his own face in with a brick for saying he wanted time to think about going further. He wanted nothing more to take Dan up on the offer and yet...

 

Honestly, he never thought in his wildest dreams Dan would feel that way about him, enough to satisfy his curiosity about what being physical with a guy meant. Hell, he was still reeling knowing Dan LIKED him, as stupid as that was to single out. Now that they’d cross that threshold, what laid ahead was exciting but also unbelievably terrifying. 

  
  


At least it’d be better to go one step at a time. That’d be the level-headed, cautious thing to do. That didn’t stop the sheer feeling of elation and glee exploding inside of him like an atomic bomb, dashing along the cobblestone walkways feeling lighter than air and wanting to scream at the top of his lungs. 

 

_ Dan LIKES ME!  _

 

The heart-shivering feeling almost made up for the fact that it almost felt like the rain was being drawn magnetically to him, splattering icy cold over the top of his head, down his shoulders to his back, soaking through his thin shirt and chilling him right down to the bone. Blinking rapidly through the sopping strings of hair hanging over his face, he could even feel his teeth chatter.

 

Finally, they got to their dorm building, both cold and soaking wet. 

 

Dan laughed out of breath as he brushed his bedraggled blue hair out of his face, his arms studded with sparkling droplets. “Heh. C’mon.” 

 

Arin winced as he felt his sneakers squish uncomfortably through the carpet until they got to Dan’s room. Thankfully, Dan’s roommate wasn’t in as Dan unloaded his plastic bag of sodas and his vape pen case on his bookshelf. Exhaling, he fluffed up his damp hair. “God, I’m SOAKED.” 

 

With almost no preamble, Dan grabbed his shirt at the bottom and peeled off, tossing it onto a pre-made pile of similarly dirty and discarded clothes while Arin stood stiffly in the middle of Dan’s room, absently scratching his arms as he hugged them protectively over his chest. 

 

Dan had taken his shirt without acknowledging at Arin at first but then he turned around and whoa. Arin’s warmed at the sight of Dan’s skinny bare chest, automatically darting his eyes away before curiously going back. Obviously, Dan wasn’t ripped or beefed up but that didn’t mean his taut swimmer’s body was anything to turn his nose up at. With the effect of a faint sheen of moisture against his skin, the wet blue tendrils of hair brushing against the top of his shoulders and a beaded choker hanging around his neck, it was enough for Arin’s heart to pound. 

 

Arin gulped and looked up to see Dan lower his eyelids and smirk, cocking his hip to the side. “See something you like, dude?” 

 

“Uh!” Arin laughed nervously, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip on reflex. “Just uh...you’re real um...fit.” 

 

Dan snorted. “Nope. Just happen to be this naturally skinny.” Arin’s greedy eyes followed Dan’s hand as his slender fingertips barely brushed over the almost invisible trail of hair going down his stomach. “Though, I think you’re staring for an uh...other reason…” 

 

Obvious as always. Goddammit. “Um...yeah, just, I’m sorry-” 

 

“It’s okay,” Dan murmured, Arin’s heart jumping with shock as he maneuvered closer, his damp fingers circling around Arin’s wrist. “Here, let’s get that off-” 

 

“NO!” Arin shouted suddenly then coughed. “I mean...y-you don’t have to. It’s not that bad.” 

 

Dan frowned with surprised concern, blinking. “Arin, it’s okay. I’m not going to judge you because of your body or anything. Plus you’re probably really cold. At least let me get your shirt. I can dry it with my hair dryer it before you go back to your room-” Dan started to tug Arin’s arms away but Arin tugged back. “ARIN-?!” 

 

“I just...it’s not that bad, really.” Arin hunched his shoulders. His heart was knocking harder and harder in his rib cage and his cheeks flared with heat that had nothing to do with Dan standing shirtless in front of him and everything with showing him his body. His disgusting, fat body. 

 

“REALLY?! You can NOT be comfortable like that. Your shirt is almost completely see-through just-”

 

“It IS?” Arin pulled his arms away and looked down at his chest with alarm. Before he realized the tactic Dan pulled on him, Dan had already lunged for the bottom of his shirt and trying to wrestle it off Arin’s chest as Arin hunched over, thrashing with futility. 

 

“DAN, DON’T! SERIOUSLY!” 

 

Dan laughed in disbelief. “At least let me get you a towel or something! I’ll let you borrow one of my shirts, it’s really not that big of a deal, dude!” 

 

Dan’s grip on the bottom hem didn’t turn out to be that strong. With one short, sharp tug, Arin was able to pull himself free, his arms immediately wrapping back around his torso, his whole body awash with uncomfortable shivers. 

 

He knew he was overreacting but the idea of taking his shirt in front of Dan was just too momentarily frightening. He didn’t even think his body issues were that bad. Even knowing it was a stupid thing to be self-conscious about did nothing to banish the unease creeping across his skin like ants. Panting, he passed his hands over the tops of his arms. “I...I’m sorry. I...can't.”

 

Dan searched his eyes and then exhaled as his shoulders slumped. “Okay. Have it your way.” 

 

He went back to the bathroom while Arin hung his head, listening to the rain pitter-patter against the window and the distant growl of thunder. It wasn't long before Dan came back out, cradling a dark blue and white cloth bundle, tossing it in his direction. 

 

“Here. At least wear this to cover up or...something. I don’t want to you catch a cold.” 

 

Arin unfolded it, seeing it was dark blue and white tie-dye hoodie. Shakily but as quickly as he could, it pulled it on, adjusting as the hoodie engulfed him in the too-warm fleece. 

 

“Um...t-thanks,” he muttered. 

 

Dan gave him a small half-smile. “No prob.” 

 

Swaying on the balls of his feet, he shivered afresh as Dan’s hands gently rested on either side of his waist. 

 

“Heh. Just when I think you’re done being shy, you shut yourself back up again.” 

 

“Oh. Yeah.” Arin looked down as the sleeves slipped over his hands. “I did say I need time so…” 

 

“-And it’s  _ fine _ .” Arin’s eyelashes fluttered as Dan’s fingertips stroked his cheek, inviting him to look up. “We can do things nice and slow. I just…” He broke off sighed. “I want you to trust me, okay? I’m open-minded and stuff but...I don’t know how to feel if you keep pulling away. It makes me think I’m...doing something wrong.” 

 

Arin sighed at that. “Okay. I’m...I don’t like taking off my shirt around other guys. It has nothing to do with you. It’s just…” Even trying to explain it now sounded stupid. He couldn’t even offer a tidy explanation like bullying or anything like that. Really, it was his own fault.  “I dunno. Dumb body issues, I guess.” and ended with a half-hearted shake of his head. 

 

“It’s okay. I understand. We...can work up to it or something.” At seeing Arin’s expression not change, he added. “Or...do stuff where I don’t take your shirt off at all. It’s...it’s totally up to you.” 

 

Arin shook his head again, wincing as his wet strands of hair slapped him in the face. “Yeah. no, it…I’ll get better at it...at this.” 

 

Arin tipped his head forward as Dan stroked his arms up and down. Despite the hoodie, his wet shirt was sticking to his body in uncomfortable wrinkles. He just wanted to Dan to keep holding him as he disappeared inside the fleecy cocoon. 

 

“Really, Ar, it’s oh- _kay_. We’ll go one step at a time. We have all the…” He paused to suck his teeth in thought. “Actually...until the summer when I graduate.” He must have realized how that sounded because he hastily added. “But I mean! Until then...I’m fine waiting until you’re ready. I’m...sorry if I made it feel like you have to rush if you’re not ready yet just because I…” His eyes shifted. “Honestly, I’m a little messed up because I do like you and do want to...do stuff with you.” Dan sighed heavier as his hands stilled. “It’s complicated. Hey…”

 

Arin closed his eyes as Dan kissed the side of his face, another wave of shivers overtaking him. 

 

“You should probably go. My roommate will be here soon. Dry off and stuff. I’ll call or text you later.” 

 

Arin swayed in Dan’s embrace but otherwise didn’t move. “I don’t want to go,” murmured in a pathetic quiet voice and Dan scoffed quietly, wrinkling his nose at him. 

 

“I know. I don’t want you to go either but...you gotta.” 

 

Arin pouted. “Noooo…” 

 

Dan laughed more genuinely, saying in a mocking. “Yeaaah...C'mon now,” and gave Arin a nudge. “I’ll see you later, baby bear.” 

 

Arin scoffed, his lips twitching in a smile. “ ‘Baby b-WHAT?” 

 

“Uhm...heh, I’m sorry if that’s stupid but I tend to give a lot of friends nicknames and stuff.” Dan rolled his eyes. “That’s I mean...yeah. I’ll come up with a better one.” 

 

Arin leaned up and gave Dan a short kiss. He wanted so much to linger here, wrapped in Dan’s arms. “Heh, you better. And don’t fuckin’ say that in public and embarrass the shit out of me.” 

 

“HEY, gimme  _ some _ fuckin’ credit, okay? You’re already a freshman. The last thing I want to do is make your psh, ‘college life’ difficult. You’re already hitched your wagon to a fuckin’...winner right here.” 

 

“You don’t think you’re awesome? Because...I think you’re awesome.” Arin wrinkled his nose back at the older student, giving him a small, lopsided smile. 

 

“Alright, alright, go on and dry off,” Dan grabbed him by the arms and spun him around, giving him a small push over the threshold of his door. “BYE ARIN,” he said a jokingly firm voice. 

 

Arin turned around and tried to roll the oversized sleeves over his arms. “Okay, I get it.” 

 

They waved at each other through the open door way and Arin couldn't stop himself from giggling as Dan blew him a kiss before closing the door until he was finally ready to hobble his way back to his room. 

 

He unlocked his door and tensed as he saw Ross sitting at his computer but settled down. “Hey.” 

 

“Hey,” Ross looked up for a second and then looked back up startled and then screwed his nose up, covering his mouth. “UGH, Arin, why...why the fuck do you smell like weed?” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“Yeah...GOD, you smell REALLY dank!” 

 

Arin lifted his arm and smelled his sleeve. He hadn’t really noticed at the time but there was a musty, spicy plant smell coming off the hoodie. 

 

_Huh. So that must be what weed smells like._

 

“Oh...yeah. I borrowed this from...somebody," he admitted with a half-hearted mumble. 

 

He started to make his way to his side of the room but Ross turned around in his chair, his blue eyes blown wide. “Dude are you...hanging out with stoners now?!” 

 

Arin scowled. “NO! I mean...kinda? Not...really?!” 

 

At that, Ross’ face fell. “Oh...I was gonna ask you to hook me up or-”

 

“WHAT?! Since when do you...smoke weed?!”

 

“I mean, I’m not BIG into it! I don’t grow it in the closet or anything! I’m not stupid! Just...every once in awhile…” 

 

Arin scoffed harshly and turned his head away. “I’m  _ not _ hooking you up.” He shook his head and went into the bathroom before he heard Ross call out through the door. 

 

“Just think about it!” 

 

“Fuck off!” Arin yelled back and wrenched the hoodie rougher than he meant to, pulling off his wet shirt and let it slump in a dripping puddle on the bathroom floor, leaning against the sink as he caught his breath. 

 

Gripping the sides of the sink, he stared at himself hard. Sitting at the base of his throat was a blotchy red-purple stain but he was more focused on the weird rolls of fat bunching around his stomach, right where his abs WOULD be; where they would be if he worked out more, stopped eating garbage and feeling sorry for himself. 

 

He grimaced, finally tearing his eyes away from his reflection, frustrating stinging his eyes. Goddammit. 


	6. Steve and Alan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan asks Barry for advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapter updates in one month? *SHRUG* IDK.

Dan had to hand it to himself; his timing was actually pretty good. Ten minutes must have passed after Arin reluctantly shuffled off that Barry texted him asking what to pick up for dinner, giving him a brief window of time to put on a clean, dry shirt.

 

It was only then that the crazy thought crossed his mind: He should ask Barry for advice. Quickly, he searched his mind. Barry was his friend so he biased that way anyway but he seemed level-headed and insightful. Hell, Barry was the one to talk him into switching from Russian to English literature in the grace period at the beginning of the semester, probably saving him a lot of headaches down the road. 

 

Mostly, he wanted to tell... _ somebody _ about the situation with Arin. He was now incredibly aware that if he was dead set on hooking up with Arin what shaky footing he was on. The weird situation with Arin’s shirt had momentarily thrown him for a loop but it wasn’t the only worry squirming in his brain. What if somebody found out? Arin was a freshman and a prickly ball of protectiveness swelled in his chest at the thought of anybody bullying him if they found out...or worse. 

 

It wasn’t much longer after that that Barry came in with a bag of subs and sodas. Dan chuckled to himself. Barry even remembered to order a turkey club for him. God, Barry knew him so well. 

 

Passively he tried to listen to Barry make small talk about his classes, waiting for the right lull in the conversation when it’d be appropriate to bring the whole thing up. 

 

Dan took a steadying breath, swallowing his last bite of his turkey club. Well, it’s now or never. “Bar...I...need to ask you something.” He twisted the waxy paper wrapper and then balled it up. 

 

Barry took a sip of from his soda. “Yeah? What’s up?” 

 

“I...so…” He licked his lips, continuing to fidget with the paper ball before tossing it aside. “I have this friend-”

 

“Yeah?” Barry raised an eyebrow but let Dan continue. 

 

“Who, uh...let’s just say his name is...Steeeve? and...he...likes this guy named…A...Alan.” 

 

“Uh huh.” 

 

_ So far so good.  _

 

“And when I say ‘like’ I mean, more than friends. Like...well...maybe not boyfriends but y’know. And this guy Steve knows Alan likes him back...and Steve kinda wants to be with Alan and like...do stuff but at the same time, he’s scared because Alan’s never done that kind of thing before with other guys. And, and Steve wants to take things slow but he feels like...like he’s never felt this way before about another guy like this and he really doesn’t want to screw things up and...and…-”

 

“WHOA, Dan, EASY!”

 

Dan caught his breath, looking down at his arm. He was unaware of it at the time but the whole time he was talking, he was grabbing and twisting his hand hard over his wrist like he was trying to give himself an Indian rope burn. 

 

He gulped. “I...yeah. So uh...S-steve is just...all...confused and stuff.” 

 

Barry gave him a tight but patient smile. “Dan...is this Steve supposed to be you?” 

 

To that, Dan let out a loud, completely unsuspicious snort of disbelief. “Uh! N-no! Like I said, it’s just...a friend of mine. That you don’t know.” 

 

Barry started to smile. “Oh yeah? What’s his last name?” 

 

“Uhm….Woz...niak?”

 

Barry smiled wider. “Dan. That’s the co-founder of Apple.” 

 

“His...parents were big into Apple’s uh...history.” 

 

Barry covered his mouth partially, twisting his lips to stifle any laughter. “Uh  _ huh _ . Well...has  _ Steve _ told  _ Alan _ how he feels?” 

 

Dan ducked his head, combing his restless fingers through his hair. “Kinda, he just feels worried about taking things further.” 

 

“How much further?” 

 

Dan scoffed. “Y’know, like...C'mon, Bar. Don’t make me paint you a picture.” 

 

“Like…” Barry gestured, touching his pointer fingers together. “Touching penises?” 

 

Dan felt like his face just burst into flames. 

 

“UH?! Ju-uh...yeah...or even just...being naked in front of one another. I...I think…” He shook his head quickly. He was slipping up. Dammit. “STEVE thinks Alan might have some...body image issues.” 

 

Barry scratched his beard for a few tense moments before he burst out laughing, making Dan grimace. “Dan, I’m sorry, I just...just tell me the truth. Who is…” He put his hands into the finger quotes. “ ‘Alan’? Is this anybody I know?” 

 

Dan blew out a harsh breath. “No, he’s a...freshman.” 

 

“Okay, just start from the beginning.” Barry got up out of his chair and plopped himself on the bed next to Dan, putting an arm around his shoulder. “Slowly and heh, try not to twist your arm off.” 

 

So he did. Once he got to the part about Arin following him around, Barry interrupted him, nodding. “Ah, sounds like he has a bit of a crush on you.” 

 

“He does?” 

 

Barry wrinkled his nose at him. “Dan, it’s pretty obvious...to ME anyway, that’s why he was following you around. What, did you think he was trying to find the most efficient routes through campus?”

 

Maybe he just really wanted to believe Arin then was still just scared of him. _God, I’m the biggest idiot on the planet._

 

After that, there’s wasn’t that much to tell. Arin occupied so much of his thoughts lately, it was hard to believe everything that happened occurred in the span of less than a month. 

 

Barry nodded in understanding once he got to the spontaneous makeout part. “Oh, THAT guy. Honestly, I thought you were just smoking weed together or something.” 

 

Dan smiled sadly. “No...he’s never done it, I think. But yeah, I think I...like him...and stuff.”

 

“Awww. You wanna…” Barry gave Dan’s shoulders a tiny shake. “Give him your V card?” 

 

“BAR- _RY_!” Dan gave Barry a half-hearted shove, laughing and pouting at him. “You’re not supposed to know that!” 

 

“You told me that! You were  _ probably _ high but you definitely told me you’re still a virgin. Technically.” 

 

“Yeah, but...that’s different. IT’S different. I don’t even know if...who would be…y’know...the...” Dan’s face furrowed and was about to start gesturing unhelpfully with his hands when Barry coughed. 

 

“Er, I think that’s something you and Alan-”

 

“Arin,” Dan corrected.

 

“ARIN...need to go over for yourselves. Just…” Barry squeezed his shoulder. “All I can really say is don’t psyche yourself out. Take things slow and just talk to each other. Probably tell him the virgin thing too at some point but y’know. At your own pace.” 

 

As Barry got up, he added. “Oh yeah, and hold off on the mixtapes for now.” 

 

At that Dan’s eyes darted guilty to the blank CD sitting conspicuously on his bedside table. He just hadn’t gotten around to importing the songs from his laptop yet. “Uh...about that…” 

 

Barry turned and followed Dan’s gaze to the blank CD and gave him a playfully reproachful look. “DAN-” 

 

“But Bar, It’s the Beatles! I gotta school him on the good shit!” 

 

Barry snorted, shaking his head. “Oh, right. What was  _ I _ thinking?” He covered his face, groaning. “Just...don’t fucking...serenade this guy like you did Stephanie last year.” 

 

“HEY. It was Valentine’s Day and I’ll have you know the RA thought it was VERY romantic.” 

 

“Okay, at least from what you told me, it sounds better than what happened with Stephanie. At least you actually...y’know... _ talked _ to him instead of that you worked on one project together and then fell head over heels for her based on a LOOK.” 

 

“OUCH. Never gonna let me live that down, huh?” 

 

“Nope. It was WAY too painful but funny to see watch happen. Like a slow-motion trainwreck spaced over several months.” 

 

Dan wanted to defend himself somehow but that was unfortunately what happened, in the broad strokes. One meaningful look and a handful of friendly compliments had him knocked on his ass trying to decipher if she liked him or LIKE-LIKED him. He was lucky if she dumped all his mixtapes in the garbage, unlistened. Still, it happened so far in the past, all he could about it was laugh at the whole experience. 

 

He scoffed, putting a hand to his heart, making Barry chuckle. “Barry, why must you hurt me this way?” 

 

“Just...PLEASE. Don’t go crazy with the gift-giving.” 

 

“Okay, I read you loud and clear.” Shit. He’d already given Arin his hoodie. And that bracelet. And those mechanical pencils. He exhaled. Space it out. At least wait a while before giving Arin his mixtape. 

 

His phone chimed and he searched his pocket before pulling it out and reading the text.

 

**> hey did you want your hoodie back?**

 

Dan glanced up at Barry, who was looking at him curiously as he put the sandwich wrappers in the trash. “Do you need me to give you two some privacy?”

 

“Oh, no.” 

 

**> naw man. You keep it. It looks better on you, anyway ;) **

 

**> oh okay. What about the chapstick i found in the pocket? **

 

**> what flavor is it? **

 

**> ummmmm watermelon?**

 

**> lol keep it too. I look forward to some watermelon flavored kisses ;D**

 

**> OMG, shut up**

 

**> you’re smiling. I can totally tell ;)**

 

**> nO i’m NOT **

 

“Having fun?” 

 

Dan looked up and realized he was smiling uncontrollably at his phone. “Huh?” 

 

Barry snickered. “Nevermind.” 

 

**> since i’m keeping it, i might have to wash it. My roommate was giving me shit because apparently it smelled like weed :[**

 

**> oh shit. I’m sorry tho to be fair ALL my clothes smell like weed, lol **

 

**> it’s not funny! Now he wants me to hook him up >:O**

 

Dan snorted under his breath.

 

**> oh yeah. Um i really don’t think it’s a good idea. If he is serious and not pulling your leg, i can forward the # of the guy I buy from but yeah**

 

**> ugh. You’re a bad influence on me, LOL **

 

**> LMAO no i’m not! I haven’t gotten you high yet ;(**

 

**> yet??? Are you gonna? :O**

 

**> uhhhhh i thought you didn’t want to????**

 

**> i don’t. Not really**

 

Dan was the middle of typing something but Arin interrupted him with another text

 

**> hey so this is something i heard so idk if it’s true but does weed make you horny? **

 

**> Lmaoooo**

 

**> I'm serious! Does it???**

 

**> honestly? It depends. You've never been high, right?**

 

**> nope**

 

**> k. It’s a little hard to describe if you’ve never been. when you're high, your mind wanders and stuff. For me personally, I guess it makes getting horny easier?? Idk**

 

**> oh ok**

 

**> tho i will say stoned BJs are pretty sweet **

 

**> really? **

 

Dan pursed his lips. 

 

**> yeah. It's hard to describe. It feels like you’re melting into the other person’s mouth **

 

**> oh**

 

Dan sucked his teeth. Was that too much information? 

 

**> i mean, whatever. Ignore me :P**

 

**> you sure? That sounds pretty hot >:)**

 

**> would you ever want to do that? In the future i mean**

 

**> blowing you? Oh HELL YEAH. how big are you? Are you cut? :D**

 

Dan swallowed sluggishly. Well, he wasn’t expecting things to escalate that quickly. Best to pump the brakes a little. 

 

**> um Arin maybe we should talk about this some other time? I could show you later if you want**

 

**> ooo like a pic? :)**

 

Crap, that wasn’t what he meant. 

 

**> no! Like irl but later. Way later. We haven’t even done any under clothes stuff yet, lol **

 

**> oh yeah. No, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’ve never done this before so i don’t know how fast to go or anything ._.**

 

**> aww. Like i said, we’ll take it slow. I don’t want to push you, bb **

 

**> i know. It’s stupid but i’m still just having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that you like me. Idk. i was just scared i’d just be crushing on you forever but too scared to do anything about it. I didn’t want you to hate me or reject me :(**

 

**> Arin believe me. Even if i just wanted us to be friends, i’d never hate you. I guess i’m a huge dumbass for not realizing how you acted before meant you had a crush on me, lol. **

 

**> LOL trust me. That was me trying to be subtle. But yeah. Even just being with you. I didn’t want to ruin everything by being honest. Nobody knows i’m like this ._.**

 

**> like what?**

 

**> idk. Liking guys? I still like girls but yeah. Idk. When nobody showed up at my anime club thing, you were nice to me and we got along. You didn’t make me feel like a loser. It helped that you’re hot and amazing and funny and easy to talk to and LOL yeah. **

 

**> AWWW ARIN. That’s so sweet of you to say. LOL my roommate is probably wondering why i’m smiling so hard rn XD **

 

Sure enough, he looked up and Barry was giving him a playfully pointed scowl. “I’m not even gonna ask.” 

 

**> LOL so am I. I really don’t want to let this feeling go**

 

**> neither do I <3**

**LOL i should probably get off the phone and study**

 

**> ok :P**

 

**> oh before i forget, I wanted to give back some of your DVDs**

 

**> k. Do you want to come by and get some more? I can also let you borrow some manga :3**

 

**> maybe tomorrow? ;) **

 

**> ok. I was thinking since you like football you might like Eyeshield 21**

 

**> there’s a football anime?! :O**

 

**> LMAO yup. I can let you rifle through my stacks if you want**

 

**> niiiice ;D**

 

**> PFFFT get your mind out of the gutter, Danny **

 

**> NEVER. GIMME SOME OF THOSE DIRTY JAPANESE PORN COMICS LMAO**

 

**> HEH, that can be arranged. Don’t say i didn’t warn you, though ;) **

 

**> Uh no tentacles, tho :O**

 

**> PFFT, you’re no fun. Jk. not all of ‘em involve tentacles. Depends on what you’re into but i can hook you up ;)**

 

**> OKOK getting off the phone now LOL**

 

**> alright, lol. Go study. TTYL**

 

**> byeeee <3**

 

Dan glanced up to see Barry twisting his lips furiously as if he was trying not to laugh, making Dan scowl back up him. 

 

“What?!”

 

“Nothin’. Just...thinking. If you ever want some...privacy, I could let you have the room. Just give me some heads up so I’m not walking in on you two smashing.” 

 

“Bar- _RY_!” Dan scoffed through the sudden flush erupting across his face. “That’s...ugh. That’s probably not going to be for a while.” 

 

Barry held his hands up in surrender. “Alright, I’m just sayin’. You have that option.” 

 

“Okay. Still, I can’t believe you’re actually like...cool about this.” 

 

“Well, I can’t believe you think I’d NOT be cool about this. Seriously, it doesn’t matter to me. I just...you deserve some little bit of happiness in your life…” He rolled his eyes. “Not involving plants that could get you suspended.” 

 

Dan scoffed again. “Right.” 

 

Still, he couldn’t help the thought enter his head, like a loose marble rolling around in an empty drawer. 

 

_ Do I even really deserve this, feeling this happy?  _

 

As soon as it rolled in and then rolled back out, he felt momentarily annoyed at himself for letting himself think it in the first place. Of course he deserved to be happy. Then he remembered all the sweet, flattering things Arin said about him and he almost wanted to squash the whole thing and text him back saying he wasn’t any of those things. Arin should just find somebody else, someone more worthy to love. Arin was the one who deserved better. 

 

Absently, he rubbed his stinging wrist. 

 

Fuck, he thought. I thought I was done feeling this way. 

 


End file.
